Bad Moon Rising
by Aquamarin28626
Summary: What does Nell discover by accident about her past? Why does she achieve support by Callen and what is it that unsettles him? And which role does Hetty play in this deliberate confusion of doubts, hurt and hope? Nell-Callen-centric, as there are not enough stories about this totally underappreciated pairing. For those of you who are expecting Neric: No, they're simply good friends!
1. Chapter 1

Unfortunately, I don't own the characters, quotes or anything else of NCIS: Los Angeles. Only the following story is mine.

This is my first attempt ever. Please be kind.

I'd like to say THANKYOU to ilse23 for reading and editing it first. I owe you!

* * *

Prolog

_He looked at the flames that were flickering in the fireplace. Pleasurable warmth came from them, stroking his cheeks. He lay on his stomach, sprawled out on a piece of fur on the floor in front of the open fire, a forearm in front of his chest. His head was resting on the palm of one hand and the animal hair tickled his bare arms._

_It had been a long time since he felt so relaxed and able to calm down. Maybe it was because of her company. She was a suave person, sensible and deliberate and he knew he could rely on her. On the other side she was full of energy, cheeky and adventurous, but never risky. They had been through a lot together and thankfully they had each other. With her, he felt safe – somehow._

_When he looked around the wooden cabin he saw her sitting on the couch with a book in her hands, watching him. As their eyes met, she smiled and automatically one of his eyebrows raise up and he __smiled__ back at her. Her warm brown eyes reflected the flames of the fireplace and it seemed as if they were glowing and sparkling with an intensity that made him melt. A delightful and intense feeling in his gut made him wonder if he really just had a little crush on her. At least he knew he liked her, he liked her very much. That was for sure. But how did it feel like, when you really care for someone? The way he felt when he was with her was new for him. Intense. She wasn't just a random girl after all._

_She rose from the couch and tentatively walked up to him, intending to kneel down and he moved over a bit so she could lie down next to him. His facial features softened and he was looking at her curiously. Her delicate features appeared even tenderer in the faint light. He liked her pale skin and these funny freckles on her nose and cheekbones. Some strands of her maroon hair fell over her face and he removed them spontaneously behind her ear as she unexpectedly leaned forward brushing her lips against his. He was astonished and electrified at the same time by this sudden slight touch. He was pleasantly surprised, figuring out she probably felt the same for him as he did for her and his heart skipped a beat._

_Making eye-contact with his ocean-blue eyes - God, she felt like she would almost drown in them - she hesitated, being afraid of her own courage. She was afraid of having made a big mistake, of having gambled with their friendship. She was blushing, her face showing a questioning look, and feeling ashamed her gaze dropped. She got ready to stand up again as he reached out one hand to stop her and she paused in her movements when he gently grabbed her hand. No less insecure than her, he carefully turned her head to lock eyes with her and then slowly pulled her head down to his, to answer her unspoken question with another innocent kiss on which she gave in relieved. God help, touching her soft lips had inflamed a pleasurable sensation inside of him and he knew he couldn't withstand the temptation. _

_Not feeling very comfortable in the way he was laying__ he turned her on her back, placing his body boldly half on top of her one hand around her slim waist the other stroking through her hair. He wanted more. Searching for a sign of agreement he looked deep into her eyes, now caressing her temple and cheek with his fingers along her jaw line and noticed her breathing heavily in excitement. The uneasy inner tension faded slowly and she started to relax in his embrace, becoming aware of his attraction to her. __Her mouth twisted into a smile again, a sly smile this time__. Without breaking eye contact she then put her hands around his neck, pulling him down to her and covered his lips with hers, kissing him passionately. Oh, how she wanted more! She wanted all of him. When her lips covered his mouth again he moaned with pleasure and without missing a beat he returned her fervent kiss. Their kisses became more and more intense her hands were stroking through his short blonde hair and then they touched and explored each other and he was overwhelmed with his emotions, feeling entirely mesmerized. He couldn't stop and neither could she and they completely lost themselves in one another. He knew he was hopelessly devoted to her and felt that she was 'the one'._


	2. Chapter 2

_The quotes at the beginning refer to 4x22 – The Ravens And The Swans_

* * *

_"How many have you recruited – like Hunter, Grace and me?" Callen spat out._  
_Hetty tried hard not to lose her composure "I suggest you stand down."_  
_Now Callen shouted at her "How many?" completely enraged._  
_She couldn't restrain herself any more and shouted back "A lot!"_

.*.*.*.*.

The strident shouting match between the Operations Manager and the Senior Agent-in-Charge could not be missed in the Office of Special Projects. Nell had never before seen Callen act in such an indignant way and likewise never before - and this was really worrying her – had she seen Hetty losing her imperturbability. The whole situation seemed surreal. All the involuntary witnesses of this disagreement felt completely uncomfortable and had been shocked.

Later that day, Hetty sought talks with Callen as things calmed down again. Hetty was familiar with Callen's temper and she was able to handle it at the most. But this case had even demanded a great deal of her emotionally, so that the situation could have escalated anyway as it did.

Nell had overheard what was said, that in the past some of the former foster kids had been recruited to NCIS by Hetty herself. Hetty in person had watched the development of 'her recruits' over the years, as hiring and fascinating young adults without roots and without somebody around that cared much for them, was quite plain. It wasn't that easy to convince young graduates from a well protected parents' home. Especially, as the provided job was definitely not quite hazard-free.

At last, Nell wasn't quite sure, what had induced her to make inquiries about her herself. Perhaps it was just her curiosity to find out, why Hetty had recruited her for NCIS and what the reason was that her boss had a rather high opinion of her and what she could be.

She was not 'branded' a foster child, so this recruitment-option had been ruled out. Her parents had bought a nice house in the suburbs of Twin Falls, Idaho, when she was a baby and she had a very nice childhood there together with her older twin-brothers. Her parents always took care of their children and encouraged them on their way to become grown-ups. They always expected the best for their kids and also expected of them to do the best with their lives. Nell was a quick learner and figured out very soon, that giving the best she could would pay off later. She finished High School easily and got a grant at the University, which she had graduated, early and high-flying. Well before she had graduated, she already had a lot of job offers in her pocket. In the aftermath of her training in Quantico it was Hetty herself, who had hired her in a café there and Nell decided to join NCIS. And here she was. Working for over 2 years here, for her it became more and more like home now.

Nell ran down the contents of her file. As an NCIS Intelligence Analyst she fortunately had access to retrieve (almost) every sort of data, and so there was no exception with her own electronic file. Hetty was doing her homework excellent. NCIS chose its staff carefully and obviously there were no coincidences. Nearly every step of her life was in it. She even found pictures of her childhood: her mother, cradling baby-Nell in her arms, her father with Nell and her brothers near a lake, the whole family at Nell's graduation ceremony, Nell in Quantico, … She could find her certificates of High School and University and other proofs and certificates of trainings and courses she had participated. But there was no further information what might have made Hetty hiring her, what made her 'specific'. So she figured her recruitment was because of her special analyzing skills, her efficient and effective workings, her technical aptitude and maybe her extensive knowledge of South America…

The more she was thinking, her thoughts turned back to her file, and she reflected over something she had _not_ seen in there. There were loads of information about her parents and brothers as well, including some of _their_ certificates. She ran down her own documents and suddenly hesitated. One in this large flood of data was missing. Why couldn't she find it? Was it just a mistake? Or was this document just stored anywhere else accidentally? But Hetty would never make any mistakes, would she?

.*.*.*.*.

Days flew by without making any progress in her investigations. Besides, there was a case they had to solve which demanded her undivided attention to have the four field-agents' backs. But finally the would-be assassin was eliminated and everything went more relaxed. So she started to continue her own search.

When she examined the documents of her family members carefully, she stumbled upon a clue on the birth certificates of her brothers. There was another - handwritten - family name mentioned on them. She started a data search with this name alone, but there were too many entries about which would not help her in any way. So she tried a do-over combined the handwritten name with her brothers' date-of-births'. And there she actually got only two results. The first names of her brothers and the birthdates matched: with this handwritten name. And this made her pause for a moment. Her brothers actually existed under this other name, too, for whatever reason. What she found out afterwards made her feel miserable and left her with a premonition of what was to come. Her brothers had been adopted as she now knew, _- did her brothers even know?_ - and what was up with her? There wasn't anything like a birth-certificate anywhere. Everything she attempted, to find something about herself came to a dead end and it was already late. It bothered her immensely. But she was worn out and so she decided to call it a day.

.*.*.*.*.

'_Rien ne va plus'_, Nell thought some days later. Why the hell couldn't she find anything? She knew she was scratching at the surface, she felt it, – but the surface of what? For one thing she was really frustrated, and for another thing she was not used to not finding a solution, or worse than that, even fail. She had tried everything she could by taking advantage of all the available NCIS resources. But she didn't succeed.

But one morning Nell very early ran into the office as if stung by an adder, chasing upstairs into Ops: In the middle of the night she woke up and couldn't fall asleep again, her thoughts went round and round in her head when another idea popped up. She hadn't examined her parents past carefully enough. She had been so distracted by the fact her brothers had been adopted (and didn't know that up to the present day she was afraid) and maybe she could have been as well, that it did not come into her mind earlier. So she started some new data searches and finally, _finally!_ she found something. Somehow, there was another hint about her mother… She couldn't get behind the information. It was a very small document, hidden within a very old and confident file. Everything she tried to get further failed because the content of this file was encrypted and access strictly denied. Well, that was strange, wasn't it? She had a feeling in her gut that in this file the key to the truth was hidden.

Unsure what to do next she thought about involving someone and the only person who could help her was Eric. He could hack into nearly every system. He was the best in his field. But it made her feel uncomfortable asking him to do something that perhaps could cost him his job. Eric was very important to her, being her partner and a good friend who she wouldn't like to 'lead into temptation', knowing well he had a crush on her. But there was no alternative. She had been circling around the same question without finding an answer for days and now she maybe could figure it out within this damn encrypted file.

.*.*.*.*.

Nell had informed Eric with as less information as possible what she was asking him to do.

"Let's say I would do this research you're asking me for, for what exactly did you say it is?" he asked cautiously. He was fidgeting on his chair and looked nervously at Nell.

Nell knew that Eric, of course, would not be enthusiastic on the one hand, but on the other hand he was curious by nature. She turned his chair towards her to put a hand softly on his chest her eyes found his while she was giving him her sweetest smile and blinked at him. Then she leaned down a bit and whispered in his ear "Eric, I know you're the best and we will be clever enough to not leave marks anywhere". Her hand slid up squeezing his shoulder and remained on it.

She felt a bit guilty to take advantage of his weakness to be in love with her, as she could see him blush at the second he became aware of her closeness, and when he could feel her warm breath against his ear he was on autopilot completely.

So Eric tensely started scanning the secret data and tried to decrypt the documents in it when all the co-workers and especially Hetty had left the building. After all it was for Nell. The blond tech could not refuse her anything and trusted her entirely.

But even Eric was becoming insane. He only could track who had been the one that had set up the secret file and that was a fact he was very concerned about. Nobody else than their certain Ops Manager had done that and he immediately remembered at the Comescu-case what made him shudder. That couldn't be a good sign, he was sure.

After some hours of extensive search with this decrypted file he almost capitulated when suddenly a copy of a document popped up on the screen. That very small document Nell had already noticed in that file before and she had not been able to open, was a certified written confirmation, mentioning Nell's first name, her date and place of birth - the last name had been blackened out. The date of birth was hers but the place was another than she thought she knew it was. There was an official stamp of CPS Carson City, Nevada, on it and a signature she could not make out.

Looking at this document made her swallow hard and she was now dead certain she must have been adopted like her brothers. She was confused and felt unsure of herself and her roots, as if she was losing the ground. It was like being in a swirl, pulling her down inexorably. Eric placed a concerned and puzzled look at her but she just shook her head, not wanting to talk about what they had just found out, her face showing him that she was fighting the tears that wanted to come out. A desperate Nell was new to him. That was the very antithesis to Nell he usually knew. Hesitantly he wrapped his arms around her holding her gently and Nell was allowing his embrace.

Yet, she had no idea what was about to happen to her.

* * *

**A/N: CPS Child Protective Service **


	3. Chapter 3

It was late that evening and Callen still was dealing with some paperwork since the other agents had left the building. Hetty previously had pointed out that he, as the team-leader, must set a good example to his co-workers and so he had decided _spontaneously_ and _delighted_ to fulfill her order. Time was running and when he looked up once, he wondered about some lights still burning in the upper story. He made his way upstairs and slipped through the sliding doors into ops.

It was an interesting sight that greeted him. Eric was holding Nell in his arms tight, one hand stroking through Nell's auburn hair, her head leaning on his chest. Recognizing someone had entered ops made Eric jump. Nell did not react at all. Callen stared at the couple, raising his eyebrow while his mouth was twitching into an amused smirk. At the same time he saw Eric blushing, his cheeks turning red as far as one could make out in the dim blue light of ops. But different than he had expected, Nell didn't blush as usual. Her face was extremely pale and she was not moving. Eric started stuttering "Oh, Callen, you're here… still in the office… it's, it's not what it looks like…had a stressful day… we, we still had to finish up some work…"

Callen found himself in the middle of something like a comical show, at least that's what it seemed to him. Amused and relaxed he put his hands into his pants pockets and kept Eric and Nell in suspense, gazing at them steadily. Sometimes he could be so mischievous… Well, honestly, he and the rest of the team had assumed that already, but there had been no direct proof for it, until now… There was indeed something going on between the tech and the little red-haired analyst. He had to pull himself together not to laugh out loud.

"Aha." Pause. "You two don't need to be embarrassed for, well, liking each other" he said, chuckling.

He saw Eric's jaw drop. The tech obviously felt nervous and out of place, shuffling his feet what looked a bit as if he needed to pee, and he then noticed Nell's expression that made Callen feel a bit uneasy. She looked as pale as if she was sick. It was not an expression one had that had only been busted. It was an expression of sadness; her hazel eyes gave him a blank look but were actually looking straight through him. She seemed to be mentally absent, not taking notice of what was happening around her at all. She didn't move one bit and it seemed her thoughts were anywhere but in ops. He, agent-wiseass-Callen, was perplexed. How could this be? His amusement turned into confusion and concern and he decided for now to leave it at that.

"Won't tell anyone anything, you know" he murmured completely baffled. Shaking his head he turned around and walked out of ops back to his desk. Unfortunately there was still a lot of paperwork to do. But it was hard for him to concentrate as he was distracted by the recent happening in ops. Maybe he would ask her later about this incident and her odd behavior. It was so unlike Nell. She was just a shadow of her former self. What was wrong with her?

.*.*.*.*.

Nell didn't realize how long she must have been standing in ops without moving. It was Eric snapping his fingers in front of her face that brought her back down to earth. And she remembered vaguely that someone had entered ops… _'OMG was that really Callen who had just caught me and Eric embracing?'_ she thought feeling a bit uncomfortable. _'Now he must be thinking very certain that not only Kensi and Deeks have a 'thing' but me and Eric have one, too'_ she sighed. Well, that was something the others thought about her and him anyway but in reality it was not her main problem at the moment. She had to deal with her woolly thoughts but barely was able to think clear. Honestly, at the moment she was unable to cope with the fact of being an adoptee. She would have to find out where she actually came from, where she could find her roots. Nevertheless she would need to talk to Callen later. After all he was the team leader and to her it was essential, what and how he was thinking about her and especially she wanted to avoid the gossip that could probably come up.

.*.*.*.*.

Very early the next morning Nell was sitting at her place in ops. She had slept badly, as she had dreamed some stupid nightmares, until all of a sudden she woke up crying and could not stop her tears anymore. Now she was over thinking the facts she had found out so far and how to go on. Which step would be the best to continue her personal inquiries?

For a very short moment she thought about asking Hetty. But based on several facts it was not a good idea. First, Hetty would know in a second that she had been abusing NCIS resources for private purposes. Second, Hetty would also know straightway she had been snooping around. Not only that she had been snooping around but also hacking into a top secret file – to be more specific Hetty's top secret file - with the help of Eric. Third, oh no, she would better not think about what probably would happen, if Hetty found out… Well, asking Hetty was definitely no option.

"Miss Jones?"

She was interrupted in her thoughts and jumped a bit when all of a sudden somebody stood directly next to her. It was Hetty! Her heartbeat quickened and she was thinking about, if she might have said something aloud what she had been thinking about the minute before. It was a mystery to her how Hetty always managed to come out of nowhere. Well, not only this was a mystery to Nell, Hetty herself was a complete mystery.

Hetty was eying her "We've got a new case. I need to urge you to check into these two men." She put down a document on Nell's desk. "They are suspected of having murdered a young woman in Venice. To be exact the woman was the youngest daughter of Vice Admiral Jeffrey H. Cumming. Eric is already checking the LAPD reports and newscasts about this villainous deed. As soon as you two are ready, call the team for the briefing."

.*.*.*.*.

Several days later the agents went back to the OSP. They even had been working the whole weekend without a break. It had taken some time to trace the two suspects and when they eventually had located their current hideout the team had almost been blown up. One of the suspects had been killed in a shooting directly after the explosion and the other one had been caught and arrested by Kensi once he had tried to escape. Being grilled by Sam and Callen at the boatshed he at last admitted the murder. They had blackmailed Vice Admiral Cumming to hand highly sensitive data over to them. As the Vice Admiral tried to negotiate with the kidnappers, they lost their patience extremely fast and without missing a beat they brutally killed the young woman.

As the agents entered the bullpen they all looked like they had been beaten-up: all dirty and partly tattered clothes, bruises nearly everywhere. It was a sight Hetty was very shocked about but tried hard not to show how concerned she actually was.

"Today I would like to say thank you for a job well done, although even in the end there is no real winners" she started. "I see you all had to endure a lot and I instantly want you all, including Miss Jones and Mr. Beale, to take some days off for recovery. I need a fully operational team back next Monday.

.*.*.*.*.

It was silent in the bullpen when Nell ran down the stairs quickly. She was in a hurry, as given four work-days off by Hetty offered her a big chance to go on a trip to Nevada to ask for the inspection of her records in Carson City's adoption office. Everyone of the whole team, including Hetty, had already left. Everyone, except Callen, who was still doing some paperwork.

"Bye Callen" she called out to him and headed straight to the exit.

"Nell?!" she heard Callen "Got a minute?"

Nell froze a bit in her movements. _'He wants to talk about the incident with me and Eric'_ she thought and blushed a bit as she turned around to face Callen who was now standing not far behind her.

"Yeah" she replied slowly. "If it's about the situation in ops with me and Eric, you see, I don't…"

Callen lifted his hands in defense and smiled "No. If there's something between you and Eric or not it's not my business, Nell."

"So… what is it you wanna talk about?" Nell asked in relief but curious, raising an eyebrow and stepping a bit towards Callen.

"You seemed to be distracted the last couple of days. Something is worrying you and I'm not sure if the team is safe when you can't keep it out of work - whatever _it_ is" Callen said. And for the second time within two days he recognized Nell's face turning very pale, again.

She felt sick. She hadn't realized that her private thoughts and actions could have been so obvious to somebody else. She thought she had had it all under control. As she tried to find a logical explanation he continued with a lower voice trying to placate her "Nell, you did a great job without a mistake during the last operation. But I noticed that something bothers you and I don't know if we, _if I_, can trust you when there is a chance that you are unfocused at work."

Callen stood in front of Nell. His gaze was directed at her and he patiently waited for an answer. She was tensed and started to chew on her lower lip as if she was considering something very carefully looking down to her feet.

Nell knew she needed to talk to Callen. After all he was the team leader and he deserved to get an answer. But what should she tell him? She knew Callen was a foster child. Maybe he would understand her? He had made a lot of experiences in the 'system'. If he did not understand, who else would? And so she decided to involve him and hoped instantly he would not blame her for having made her own inquiries that had taken up a lot of her time and which maybe had made him and the rest of the team feel uneasy.

She lifted her head up at Callen and looked him directly in the eyes when she tentatively answered in a very low voice "I assure you, that you and all the others can trust me in what I do and how. But yes, there is indeed something that literally rushed me off my feet."

Callen was examining Nell. Her skin was always pale but he couldn't remember of having seen her as colorless as she looked at this moment with dark circles under her eyes. It was zombie-like. She was visibly exhausted and since she was a confident woman full of humor and energy she now appeared to be so small and vulnerable to him. He was afraid she could collapse right in front of him and he felt the urge to hold her but resisted.

"Nell, you're good?" he asked.

She was shaking her head. "To be honest… No." she replied while she was wringing her hands nervously.

Callen had a feeling she was fighting an inner battle and he wanted to encourage her to talk to him. So he pointed to the old leather couch in the office "Sit down there. I've got a lot of time and maybe I can help you in some way." He bent down a bit and placed his hands gently on her shoulders, what made her to glance up at him. "All I want you to know is that you can confide in me" he said and Nell nodded slightly.

Doing what she had been told she sat down and waited for Callen. She knew he was very reliable and it was worth a try. Maybe he could really help her. When Callen returned he placed two mugs of tea on the coffee table and leaned back on the sofa. He didn't know what to expect but he was sure it would take some time.

And so Nell began and let Callen in on her story. She told him what had induced her to start her inquiries and that she accidentally had found out that her twin brothers had been adopted. And that she then was curious of course what was up with her. She was surprised about Callen who listened to her without interrupting her, retaining the information she gave him and when she looked at him he seemed to - _care_?

"It was rather difficult to find something out about me, you know. Not even my birth certificate was in my file and I could not explain it to myself. It couldn't have been a mistake as Hetty would never make a mistake of that kind." Nell paused and swallowed hard before she continued "And some day I discovered an encrypted file and with Eric's help we could decrypt a very small part of it. It was a document that confirms that I must be an adoptee as well. And nobody else than our certain Ops Manager is responsible for the encryption of that confident file and - you know - I wonder what this means. I can hardly ask Hetty about that but I'm curious about how and why she is involved into the whole thing."

Callen had silently listened to Nell's telling but after she had mentioned that Hetty was implicated in this case and that there was an encrypted file which even Eric wasn't able to decrypt at all he was alarmed. The last time Hetty had encrypted some data was 'Operation Comescu' and this case had been a disaster – in particular for him, as he was personally involved and for Hetty as she had been severely injured. A very bad feeling took possession of him.

Callen was now a bit distracted by his thoughts, rubbing his left thumb against his index and middle finger, until he heard Nell say "…and luckily Hetty gave us some days off, so I will make a trip to Carson City to ask for the inspection of my records at the adoption office."

When these words entered his mind, he jumped a bit and suddenly he heard himself say "No!"

Nell looked at Callen with confusion in her gaze. "What?" she paused. "Why? You're going to prohibit me from driving to Nevada?" she asked a bit angry. "Please don't treat me like a little child, Callen! I can take care of myself!"

Realizing how strange and rough his reaction must have come across to Nell, he started for further explanation "I know. And that's not what I actually mean."

"So, what is it what you mean?" she questioned in a challenging way, regarding him intently.

"It's about the encrypted file and Hetty. I've got a bad feeling about this all and it reminds me a lot about the Comescu-case, you know?" he replied and hoped she would understand without further clarifications.

"I see" she answered slowly, perking her eyebrows up, "but what shall I do instead? I've got no other idea so you won't stop me from going on my little trip. Maybe I could get to know my biological parents and ask them about the whys and wherefores. I really thought, _you_ of all people would understand…" she stopped at once when she became aware of what she just had said and covered her mouth with one hand, her eyes wide open. But Callen apparently ignored her last words that had slipped out of her mouth so rashly.

Callen could see the determination in her facial expression. And her body language showed him as well that he would never be able to convince her of the contrary. So he spontaneously made a decision "Well, if I can't stop you going, you won't stop me from accompanying you."

* * *

A/N Thank you for the reviews and thank you to everyone who is following my story or took time to read it!


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you Ilse!

* * *

Nell was peeking through her curtain. She was sure she would never get out of her apartment and into her car without being seen by him. He must have been quite certain she had been planning to leave very early this morning – alone. Darn it!

It was almost midnight. He was sitting in his car for a long while, not directly in front of her apartment but in a good place to keep a close eye on her front door. Every now and then he could see a curtain moving, just slightly. He was not sure if she had noticed him yet but he knew she would have preferred to go on her short trip by herself. Nevertheless the queasy feeling had just increased and he would do everything not to let her go all alone.

All of a sudden the door opened and he could see her walking to his car. Well, now he could be quite sure she had noticed him… He quickly got out of his car and walked towards her, hands in his pockets. When she stepped closer, he could see anger in her face and her movements were furious. But she didn't say a word when she abruptly stopped in front of him, hands on her hips while her eyes flashed angrily at him. He however nonchalantly smiled a bit and held her gaze - and with an ease of mind he awaited the outcome. And he ascertained it was somewhat cute, how this small woman stood up to him so boldly.

Nell was sure she would never win this staring-duel and reluctantly stopped it. Rolling her eyes up and taking a deep breath she first had in mind to bawl him out, but instead her features softened a bit and her whole body language turned less forceful "Well, agent Callen. As I can't probably sneak off I would better get some sleep. And by the way it's downright ridiculous to let you sit here outside in your car watching my house or spying on me. Come in".

Callen was surprised at the sudden change of the situation. But in short, she was right. "I'm right there with you" he admitted. And he was a bit proud of himself, of his knowledge of human nature, as she had admitted to having planned to leave. With an impish smile on his face he followed her.

Sitting in her apartment with Callen first made Nell feel a bit awkward at first. She was a mess in acting relaxed in the presence of people, mainly men, she admired. And Callen was one of them. He on the contrary leaned back on her couch casually. He always seemed to be so self-confident and strong. She offered him a beer, not without taking one for herself to become more relaxed, and after they had been talking a while she noticed that he really seemed to be interested in helping her to find the answers to the questions she had. Answers he probably would never find in his particular case. Nell could see that this was something that bothered him badly and that he cared for her as he would try to safe her from the frustrating experiences he had experienced in his past and therefore he was - against his will - very familiar with the foster system. She had never thought there was something she would have in common with Callen: the urge to figure out where you really belong to, where your roots are. Maybe having Callen by her side in this chapter of her life wasn't such a bad thing after all. And besides he was a good guy and she trusted him.

.*.*.*.*.

He must have been up very early. When she awoke, there was a delicious scent of freshly brewed coffee in the air. Still drowsy she stepped into her kitchen and saw Callen sitting on her table reading a paper. "Good morning" he said looking at her with a smile "want some coffee?" Nell nodded. Very early in the morning she sometimes was a bit grumpy and so coffee was an absolute necessity to pick up the pace. She barely remembered her good breeding first and replied a "Good morning" to Callen before she realized how she must look like with her messy hair and only wearing her short black Peanuts-sleep shirt. So she hastily headed to the bathroom to get changed.

Stepping back into the kitchen Callen had already placed a coffee mug on the table for her. As an agent he had done his preparations well because he obviously knew the way she liked her coffee most - with milk and plenty of vanilla syrup.

"Thanks for making coffee Callen. That's nice" Nell said giving him a smile. "I think we need to go get some food on our way. I'm sorry I do not have enough groceries left here to offer you a proper breakfast, as I didn't do the shopping for lack of time."

"Never mind" he answered. "Let's go?"

"Give me 20" she responded and took the last sip of her coffee.

.*.*.*.*.

They finally departed at 7:15 am. Nell was excited. Very. She wanted to find out who her biological mother was and maybe to get to know her, and perhaps her father, too. She had spent a lot of time thinking about the pros and cons about doing this and in the end she had decided that she really was curious to find out what this woman would be like. Admittedly it also made her feel guilty about not asking or involving her parents. But for now she was not at the point where she had the courage to confront them with her recent discoveries. First she wanted to learn about the circumstances at that time and to take control of the new situation.

"I think we'll arrive in the afternoon" Callen said after a while. "Depends on how long we will need to get out of L.A." He turned his face and looked at this thoughtful young woman next to him. "Next exit-ramp is near a nice coffee shop. We could get some coffee and breakfast to go."

"Okay" Nell answered. "But I'm not very hungry. Maybe I'm too nervous."

Nell was very silent. That was unusual for her and Callen knew something else was bothering her.

"What are you thinking about, Nell?" he asked straightforward.

"I doubt if it's right what I'm doing" she hesitantly replied. Callen peered at her quizzically perking up his eyebrow. "Well" she continued "I don't know if it's fair to my parents not to let them know what I'm trying to find out. But I, I'm disappointed by them not having learned the truth by now."

"How do you think they would react to you?" he asked.

"Dunno" Nell sighed "I really love my parents, you know? They have always been there for me and constantly encouraged me on my way. I've never got suspicious of their behavior, as I'm not their biological child. Quite the opposite, I always felt, no I _feel_, honestly loved by them."

She paused and after a short moment she decided to let Callen in her life and thoughts. "I grew up in Idaho, together with two older twin brothers. My parents moved from Nevada to Idaho when I still was a little baby and they bought a nice house there. They almost spent their whole free time with us kids. It was wonderful. We all loved those nature-trips most. So we went swimming in Idaho's many lakes, went hiking, climbing, rafting, we were having picnics in the woods and slept in tents a lot and had plenty of fun. My brothers and my dad like fishing and so we often could prepare fish for dinner. The rural environment, the landscape, the way of life, it all was just the opposite of living is like in Los Angeles now."

"Why do you think you can't ask them about the adoption?" he tried to figure out. "It sounds like it's very probable that they would understand your motivations."

"But in fact that's the problem. I worry they would not understand and would regard my actions as a breach of confidence. I'm so torn, Callen" Nell almost whispered her last words. And then she again turned silent for a while until she finally said "On reflecting I hope they won't spot my inquiries in any sort till I have talked to them about it after we're back from that trip. First of all, I am longing for getting to know this part of me, that has been kept back from me and I want to get to know my second family." Nell must admit to herself that voicing her thoughts had made her feel better since the burden she was carrying on her shoulders turned a bit lighter. "Thank you, Callen. It means a lot to me as you haven't got to do that" she said giving Callen a big-eyed look and smirked honestly at him "listening or giving advice and support, I mean, and coming with me."

Yes, he knew, he didn't need to help her, but she was the youngest team-member and he felt accountable for her, sort of. There were also some similarities in their lives due to their unknown ancestry what insisted him to support her and besides, it seemed, Hetty was involved…

.*.*.*.*.

Callen had turned the radio on and listened to a country music channel since Nell had been dozing - or maybe brooding? – for some time. Steering in total silence bored him. After a while he noticed that Nell was turning a bright smile at him. To be more precisely she was chuckling and trying to restrain her laughter, lifting one hand to cover her mouth, and he was really confused and wondering why.

"Can you tell me what is so funny?" he asked, shaking his head in astonishment.

Now, Nell couldn't help but laugh. "Don't get me wrong but I've never expected you, agent Callen, to sit in a car and - _sing!_ - 'Country Roads'… really?"

Callen frowned. Had he been singing to the radio music without actually being aware of it? How could that be? Clearing his throat he asked "Was it so bad?" and turned a faint smile on her, his gloriously blue eyes glancing at hers.

"It was…" she tried to find words that would not hurt him too much "well… remarkable interesting?" but in reality it was… no, not really a torture, but her ears were bleeding… "In fact I hardly know you outside of work and this took me entirely by surprise."

She couldn't fool him. "So you suggest I'd better stop…" he responded amused, what sounded more like a statement, smiling back at her.

"I didn't say that" she replied lifting both hands in feigning regret, still grinning from ear to ear.

"I get the message!" he was feigning disappointment, but smiled. So, well, sad to say she didn't like his chant, but the fact that his musical interlude had raised Nell's mood was something one could call a success, or wasn't it?

.*.*.*.*.

At lunch time they arrived at Bishop, a neat sleepy little town. They decided to have a break for lunch in a nice diner. Just as they had sat down Nell's cell phone rang.

"Eric's calling" she said surprised and answered him "Hi Eric" and then paused to listen to him as she once put him on speaker to let Callen listen to what he was telling her.

"…for Hetty. She just called me into ops to track your GPS, but I don't know the reason why. I think she'll call you really soon now" they could hear Eric speak. "By the way what are you up to on the 395? " he asked curious. "And why is Callen with you? On Hetty's demand I tracked his phone, too, and it's very close to yours… You're on the way to Carson City, right? Well, I could have joined you, too…" now he sounded disappointed and - _jealous?_ And Nell was quite sure that Callen wouldn't have missed the vibes of jealousy in Eric's voice.

"I'll tell you that later, Eric, I promise" Nell replied, not wanting to discuss their not existing 'thing' in Callen's presence. "Thank you for warning me, for whatever reason it is. I think I'll figure it out sooner or later. I owe you. Bye Eric!"

She pulled off the phone and looked straight at Callen. Her face showed a faint of annoyance. Of course it was nice that Eric had just informed her about Hetty's intentions but she disliked it a lot to be called out on what she was doing or whom she was with.

"Eric is sore?" he assumed. "And you seem to be, too."

"Hm hmmm" she grumbled.

"I'm sorry that he might think that… well… maybe you should have told him that he doesn't need to fear about you two just because I'm accompanying you" he tried to interfere.

Now Nell looked at him even more angrily and blushed, rather less caused by embarrassment than - more probably - by annoyance. "That's exactly the crucial point, Callen. There is no 'thing' between Eric and me and no reason why I should have to report. I trust him a lot and he is probably the best friend I will ever have. We in fact are not, we have never been and I think we will never be together. We are too alike and that's, well, kind of boring in a relationship? At least I currently do think so. But why am I telling you that? …"

Yes, why? Of course she liked Eric, she cared for him, but more as a friend than a boyfriend, right? She had to admit, Eric had always been there for her. He cared for her and he always listened to her. And she liked Eric a lot. But what was the reason she repeatedly assured in front of Callen, that she had absolutely no feelings for Eric in a romantic way? Confused, she stared out of the window.

She had a hunch it could have to do with Callen. When she started working at NCIS she was attracted to the blue-eyed man who was one of the people she had seen first but back then didn't know and who later turned out to be her kind-of boss. Knowing this she had never allowed herself thinking about him as someone else than her superior and now her thoughts exactly turned into _this_ direction. God help.

Surprised at her sudden rant he almost stared at her and just when he wanted to make a try to calm her down it was his phone that started ringing. Hetty.

"Callen" he answered the phone but hesitated to put on speaker like Nell had done before for now.

"Mr. Callen' he heard Hetty say 'I insist you both on cancelling this little trip you are going on. For Miss Jones' sake. I regret, I can't tell you the reasons yet, but I need you to trust me, Mr. Callen."

He was confused by her weird instruction but could not accept an order like that "Hetty, you'd better tell me why - you know me well enough. Without a serious cause, I'm sure we will not break off our journey. Well, that's what it is anyway. A journey. It was you that gave the team some days off to relax, remember?" He looked at Nell whose questioning gaze was turned on him and winked at her, smirking slightly.

He could hear Hetty sigh on the other side of the phone what made him grin broadly. He knew she once more had to deal with his blunt behavior and she was fair certain she could not convince him of the contrary without concrete explanations. But that was something she had no power to reveal right now.

"Mr. Callen, you can be stubborn as a mule. And as I am afraid of not being able to prompt you to turn around I entreat _you_ to act as it befits a gentleman." She got off the phone without another word, not trying to reason with him what was so unlike Hetty.

Callen was stunned. What was that? That was strange. Hetty was acting strange. He was now in his early forties and had been treated by her like a child? And he wondered what she actually was thinking about him besides of being stubborn and maybe sassy. What was she going to insinuate? Did she believe he would make out with Nell? What gave her a reason to think so poorly of him? Was there a rule that fraternization was not allowed at NCIS or did she just not like co-workers being personally involved? Whatever.

He decided to deactivate the GPS in their cell phones (Nell agreed without hesitation as she was still a bit pissed off with Eric spying on her, even though it was on Hetty's demand, but she knew him quite well and was sure he would try tracking her now just out of his own curiosity, not intending to do her any harm but simply for being sure where she was. And that was something she wanted to avoid for now.). And he would do that with this in his car after lunch, too. Just to be sure. Something was going on but he didn't know if _'something'_ was going to turn out to be something good. And this exactly spurred him to continue helping Nell and not to stop.

After lunch they went on without another break. Nell badly needed to distract herself from her complicated thoughts and so she started talking about her loved ones what was easy for her. Time flew by quickly as Nell told him about her family and it was a wonderful and funny distraction so his thoughts didn't return to Hetty's previous odd behavior.

Passing a traffic sign showing "Lake Tahoe" in big letters, Nell got a broad happy smile on her face. "I have been there several times with my family" she explained, turning her head to Callen. "It's marvelous there. Once we had been staying for over a week in a Lodge amidst the woods and very close to the lake. You should visit this beautiful natural spot at least once. I dream about going to spend some days there again one day."

"I'm sure you will someday, Nell. At the least when you're retired and have left our time-robbing job behind" he replied ironically and smiled at her.

* * *

A/N Thank you to everyone who is following my story and/or has read and reviewed :-)

Couldn't resist: COD on The Ellen Show "Fearless with Karaoke" *lol*


	5. Chapter 5

A/N Sorry for the delay: 'I broke the internet' ;-) But now our router is working again.

* * *

They arrived at Carson City in the late afternoon and drove straight to the adoption office. As they headed inside they realized they'd need to hurry. It won't be long until the administration would close its doors for visitors. Luckily they did not have to wait very long until they could enter the Office for Adoption Reunion Registry and exchanged greetings.

A middle-aged woman was in the room. She was wearing a form-fitting grey pantsuit and a light blue blouse and was pretty tall. Her blonde hair was done in a ponytail. She stood in front of a file cabinet and her head turned to the door when Nell and Callen stepped in. To see who had just entered the office she slid her glasses a bit down on the bridge of her nose to look over the frame, her blue eyes staring at her visitors. Her thin lips were covered with a very intense red lipstick. The second person in the room was a man, assumedly in his late twenties or early thirties, with green eyes and brown short hair that had been neatly combed side parting. He was sitting at his desk but walked straight to his visitors when they stopped at the counter. He was wearing black jeans, a white shirt and a light grey blazer. All in all he was rather a coy guy.

"What can I do for you?" the man addressed his question at Callen, who was automatically in agent-mode checking the room, and Nell could see 'James H. Webber' on the man's name plate. Obviously much to his regret it was Nell who answered and he was forced to turn his gaze off from Callen and focus on Nell.

"Well, hi, my name is Nell Jones, born May 15th, 1986. I recently found out that I must have been adopted. My parents are Lorena and Michael Jones. I'd like to ask for your help to find out who and where my biological parents are." She was nervously wringing her hands and her heart was pounding like mad.

"Yeah, of course I'm going to do everything in my power to help you. First I need you to fill in this form." He lifted his hand, holding up a paper and passed it to her. "For our authority's research I'd need some further information. You can fill it in right here and please sign the application. Then your request is registered and I can see if there's any information I could give to you" he explained. "And very important, I need your evidence of identity."

Nell handed him her ID and started to fill in the form. It didn't take very long and when she gave the sheets of paper back to Mr. Webber he examined all her enrollments _very_ carefully but moved back to his desk to enter data into his computer program. It seemed as his inquiries didn't give him the answers he was looking for. "What is that?" he mumbled but it could still be heard by Nell and Callen who exchanged a short look. "Access denied?" Webber frowned and turned his gaze to his co-worker who joined him at his desk. "Lara? Why can't I open those entries? They seem to be kind of - encrypted?!" his eyes were switching between his screen and his co-worker who now was standing right behind her sitting colleague and after a short moment when she had had a look at the screen she eyed her two visitors - _suspiciously_? - from top to bottom while she approached them.

"Miss Jones, my name is Lara Sheldon and I'm the department manager here. I'm very sorry. It appears to me we have a problem with our computer program. Are you planning to stay here any longer and could visit us maybe tomorrow again? I think we will have solved the problem then and could be able to give you some answers to your questions" she explained but her posture was suddenly withdrawn and the reassuring smile she was giving them did not appear as an honest one.

"That was weird" Callen said when they stepped outside the building. "She was very annoyed at her co-worker, when he read out aloud what had been shown on his screen…"

"Did you see her cold blue eyes?" Nell asked Callen and shuddered. "Scary." Ponderingly she was looking around when she recognized a little coffee shop on the other side of the street. "I'm gonna get us some coffee and then we can have something to eat and check in a motel near here, right?" Callen nodded and after grabbing some coffee they walked back to the car in order to find a diner and a place to stay for the night.

.*.*.*.*.

The sun was already setting when they arrived at a motel near the adoption office and checked in. It was small but neat and tidy and in addition to that, what was very important for Nell, the room had an own internet connection.

"Let's see if I learned enough from Eric… I'll try to get into their adoptions register" she suggested highly motivated when she put her laptop on the table and started typing in a furious speed. Callen stood next to her, watching what she was doing. He could see Nell was very focused on what she was working at. So he decided not to distract her and went to take a quick shower. When he returned, he saw her still sitting in front of the laptop but this time she seemed to be very frustrated.

"Nell, what's up?" he asked a bit concerned, hoping she had no bad news for them.

With a shrug she turned her face off the screen to look up at Callen "Got nothing" she answered kind of being upset. "My technical capabilities are restricted."

"So, we'd need another plan" he said "And I don't know what it is, but I doubt tomorrow morning will take us any further as I've got a bad feeling they will refuse giving us information about your adoption in general." Her head was resting in her hands and she was rubbing her temples with her thumbs. She sighed and nodded without looking up. Callen was probably right. Crouching down next to her he tried to reassure her and gently put a hand on her shoulder.

While doing this he could feel how tensed here shoulders were and wanted her to feel a bit better when he heard himself offer "Is it okay, if I gave you a massage? You're completely tensed up."

When her eyes met his' her face lit up a bit "Umm…that would be nice" she responded hesitantly after a short moment of contemplating. _Why not? There's nothing to it…_ she thought. "And then we can work out tomorrow's plan." He rose from his knees again and placed himself behind her.

His smooth warm hands were kneading her shoulders skillfully and she could feel them gently stroking and squeezing her back. She had to admit he was really good at it and it felt really nice. Nell closed her eyes and, yes, she truly appreciated his ministrations when she started to relax. After spending several hours with Callen she was surprised how much she liked his presence and how comfortable she felt with him around. Could this be real?

Could anybody please tell him what he had just started? What gave him the occasion? Offering her a massage to make her feel better? Or finding a way to be near her, just to get to know how touching her felt like and make himself feel better? Admittedly at work he had compared her small statue with fragility from time to time – when he could see her extremely exhausted in the aftermath of a horrific case - what sometimes made him feel the urge just to take her into his arms and protect her. And this now was quasi something like being protective, wasn't it?

He knew she was petite, but now, touching her, he could feel her delicate body under his hands and the warmth that came from it. And it felt – _strangely_ _good_. Standing behind Nell he noticed he was holding his breath and he forced himself to exhale slowly. He slightly shook his head in astonishment.

And suddenly, Hetty's words popped up in his mind _'I entreat you to act as befits a gentleman'_… and he noticed his heart rate sped up. Even being completely absent, Hetty had control over him and he couldn't explain why. What was the reason she made him feel so awkward? Did she not approve him to be _near_ Nell? Did she worry about Nell, because he could do her any harm? Hetty's obvious lack of trust towards him disappointed him. Somehow this thoughts sent cold shivers up and down his spine. Hell, who was he to do anything that could hurt their adorable intelligence analyst? What was it, Hetty withheld?

He knew he'd better stop when he felt Nell starting to relax and leaning against him. Stroking tenderly over her shoulders down her back several times - since one should never finish a massage abruptly - his hands paused on her upper arms for a short moment when he finally released her.

Nell instantly missed his hands when he withdrew them from her. Sighing regretfully she opened her eyes and smiled dreamily "Hmm, that was nice. Thank you!"

"Anytime" he replied. "Well, now we need a plan for tomorrow" he said, trying to focus on anything else than his weird thoughts about Hetty's remark or the feel of Nell's body under his hands. He needed to deal with that later.

"I've already got a plan. Quick and easy: You will take care for distraction and I'll go in and get the data" she explained looking up into his face.

Callen frowned "No, it's better I go in… Well, Kensi would wear something a bit more form-fitting to distract a guy… and… maybe you should wear something a bit more… _tight_ then?" He didn't act like himself! What the hell was up with him? He wanted to act how he assumed Hetty wanted him to and all he did was suggesting Nell to wear something tight? And not only that, now was he picturing her in it as well. Did he really just say that?

But she showed an amused reaction what stumped him. "Well, no Agent Callen. I can't believe _you_ missed that?" Her grinning grew wider and wider when she could see the expression of his face. He had no idea what she was talking about "It is better I will try to get the data as computers are _my_ business. And because _someone_ in the office was obviously drowning in those incredible deep blue eyes of yours you would be the one to distract this _someone_ so much better."

Raising one eyebrow he was wondering what or who she meant "You really think that woman…?"

"No, not the woman" she interrupted him "that slimy guy was fatally attracted to you, I swear." Now she was laughing out loud when she looked into his stunned face.

Shaking his head and smiling uneasily he realized she was right. He didn't give that guy much attention _that_ _way_ but Nell was telling the truth. "Okay, you might be right" he admitted, rolling his eyes and turning them up to the ceiling when he shortly thought about what this would mean for him. In Ops he would give a job like that to Deeks. He was way better in acting fruity and it appeared to him Deeks sometimes even had fun doing this … But there was no Deeks right now to whom he could delegate this task and so _he_ had to deal with that. "So we will have to wait until Lara Sheldon leaves the office and then I'll go and mesmerize him with all my charm" perking one eyebrow and then winking at Nell he tried to smile.

"Right Mr. Super Agent, it was better you'd wear something _tight _and maybe _blue_ what would match your beautiful eyes perfectly" she winked back, grinning broadly "and I'll go in and get the data on a flash drive and go out again quickly."

.*.*.*.*.

"You ready?" he asked as they were standing in the entrance hall of the CPS. Nell nodded, holding up her flash drive and took a deep breath. Her heart was pounding like mad now and her cheeks had reddened with excitement. They had just seen Lara Sheldon leave the office for external work as she got into a car and left the campus and now it was Callen's turn to turn on the charm and decoy Jason Webber out of his office.

"Well, cutie, show me what you've got" she ironically teased Callen, smiling playfully and patted him on the back. Then Nell took up position hiding behind a huge plant in a corner of the hall, waiting for Callen to come out with the guy. Too bad she couldn't be watching and listening to her fruity-acting Senior Agent she thought a bit disappointed. She pictured to herself that this was certainly getting funny and her lips turned up into a sly smile. As he walked down the corridor with Webber she opened the door noiseless and sneaked into the office.

"Lucky me" she murmured. She even did not need to crack the password. This stupid lovesick guy had left his workplace without locking his computer. She was so close. So close to find the answers she was so desperately looking for. Hopefully. First she had no success with a data search for 'Jones' but she succeeded in finding her file after entering her date of birth when she stumbled over the same name she had already seen on her brother's documents at the beginning of her inquiries. With slightly wavering hands she put the flash drive in and copied her file quickly. The only problem was that the file was encrypted - again - but now she had not the time to find out how to open it. The only thing she could see directly was a hint of _'highly sensitive_, access only for special authorities'. Damn. Again.

They had decided to activate their own phones again for this short time, so he now could send her a short message if somebody would approach the office. But she knew Webber was well distracted by Callen what made her looking for the files in the cabinets.

It took a few moments to find a folder which contained name-lists of the year 1986, unfortunately not more. Behind some names was a note with a file reference, that there were still some documents archived in a file room. And behind her file name was this hint as well. But where could this file room be? She would need Callen's help to find that out. So she took a photo from the paper sheet, texted him a message and hoped he would notice it.

She cautiously got out of the office and headed straight to the waiting area texting him now, that she had finished her job. After a few minutes, Callen came back - a little paper in hand. He waved his hand like he was holding a fan showing her the guy's phone-number on the slip, rolling his eyes and smiling awkwardly at her, all the same time. Without thinking too much Nell hugged him and stood up on her tiptoes to reach him to give him a little peck on the cheek. Surprised Callen automatically reached his hand on his cheek where Nell just had planted the small kiss.

"And that was for…?" he asked, perking one eyebrow.

"That was for the inconveniences this kind of undercover work required you to do" she explained, noticing his confused look, but she also blushed slightly. "So could you find out anything about a file room?"

Callen nodded "This guy had been very talkative telling me a lot of his work, also where older files are being stored now. This guy definitely is a large security gap in this authority when he is love-blind." He was looking around orienting himself and started to walk down a hallway. Nell needed to hurry to keep in step with him until they stopped in front of a certain door. "I'm going to get into this room while you will be waiting here outside and warn me if somebody gets nearer. You hear?" Now he sounded all agent-like, very focused and commanding.

"Got it" she nodded. "Let's go."

Callen was quick. It took him less than three minutes to come back with the wanted documents. He had even managed to make copies of the folder, so nobody could possibly find out something was missing. When they were leaving the building she exhaled deeply in relief. She hadn't actually noticed the tension in her body before. Now she was hopeful that she would find the answers she was looking for.

Callen had seen his former _'object of desire'_ standing in front of a vending machine turning his back to them. "Let's get back to the motel" he prompted, taking Nell's hand and pulling her out of the building rapidly making a beeline for the car.

.*.*.*.*.

At about the same time they left the parking lot Callen made out a car tracking them. Even having changed his driving direction several times the car was still following them.

"What's up, Callen?" Nell asked anxiously when she saw him tensing up his muscles and could see his knuckles turn white when his grip tightened around the steering wheel.

"Hold on! We are being tracked" he yelled and stepped on the gas, intending to get rid of their tail the same second the car's back window burst by a bullet and Nell started to scream.

* * *

A/N I'm not familiar with the American foster or adoption system so I ask you to excuse any mistakes I've made. Furthermore I'm sure inquiries with such a sensitive matter will in general be handled very carefully at the administrations and not that way I wrote it here.


	6. Chapter 6

Callen floored the gas pedal to get rid of their chasers as soon as possible. That was not good. Not at all. While he was driving he could not get into a shooting position and he didn't want to lose control of the car or to get Nell into more danger than they were in anyway. Nell had almost none experience in the field and so he feared for her. Glancing hastily at her he could see she was dead scared and her face had turned very pale. But she had managed to stop screaming.

Never in her life had she been in such a situation nor had anyone shot at her ever. The one dangerous situation she had been in was in the 'Kill House', but that could not be compared with this. Sure, she had taken part in some field-agent training-programs but never had she made any experiences in reality. But this was very real now. She had to do something. She couldn't just ride shotgun and wait for what was supposed to happen. Leaning down she grabbed her service weapon from under the seat and carefully looked into the side-view mirror. There were two guys in the car behind. She exhaled slowly and waited… until…

…Callen had to slow down the car not to veer off the street when he turned the steering wheel to the right. These god-damn bastards weren't easy to outdrive. In the corner of his eyes he could see that Nell had just opened her side window, gun in her hand, when he heard her swearing…

…"son-of-a-bitch, fuck-off!" and she fired at their tail. Twice. The first shot hit the windshield what caused the driver to spin out of control and drive against a fireplug. The second hit the left front wheel exactly and so the journey of their followers ended abruptly under a plume of water whose subtle water drops gave rise to a rainbow when they touched with the rays of the sun. "Yes!" she yelled happily and an open-mouthed Callen lowered the speed obviously very impressed of the small and brave analyst.

He was collecting his thoughts while he was driving away from the scene. After he had reassured himself that nobody was following both of them any longer, he turned his head to look at his tough companion with a glint of pride in his eyes. Until now he wasn't even aware she'd taken her service weapon with her on this trip. "Well, buddy, what shell I say?" he said, looking at her curiously. "Where did you learn to shoot like that? That was pretty awesome!"

Nell herself took a deep breath and blushed slightly. She was fairly surprised about her own courage that had luckily been completely successful and beamed at Callen. "I trusted my training again, Callen. I actually have been trained and learned to take care of myself - although I'm astonished as well that it worked out _that_ effective."

"I should take you out of Ops more often, perhaps. I think we would make a good pair…" he said.

"Really?" Nell questioned in an ironic way when it came to his mind, what he had just said.

"…ehm" he coughed and blushed slightly "of course I wanted to say we'd make a good team, no kidding!" he corrected while he mentally slapped himself. Although… Thinking it over, he wasn't quite sure from where his previous remark had come from, but he admitted to himself, he would not completely rule this out; he could indeed imagine them being more than colleagues. Possibly… Maybe… But why?... Well, rather not.

She had to admit herself that it had thrilled her to act in an agent-like way. But apart from his Freudian slip she had not overseen him showing her that he was proud of her today's actions. "Wow, yes, that'd be great!" she now replied in earnest.

"Turning into a little adrenaline junkie, Nell?" he asked amused and she just nodded with a broad smile on her face.

They headed to the motel and quickly grabbed all their stuff, intending to leave Carson City as fast as possible. Their job there was done.

.*.*.*.*.

"What about a short break at Lake Tahoe?" Nell asked Callen longingly turning her head into the direction the traffic sign indicated when they passed it.

Callen thought a second. "What about renting a cabin there and stay for a while? We don't need to be back until Monday and could try to get through the data and documents" he suggested remembering how badly she'd like to go there again as she had mentioned it the day before and earned a happy smile from Nell. Moreover, he liked spending time with her and this might be a good chance to find out, what had happened, that he all of a sudden felt attracted to her.

"Oh, I was afraid of asking you that, but I would be very glad, though" she was very excited and wiggled happily on her seat like a child. "Emerald Bay?" she asked and Callen nodded in agreement.

When they arrived at Emerald Bay State Park, they first went to find an accommodation and left their bags in the cabin.

"I'm starving. Let's see where we can get something to eat." Nell went quickly out of the cabin and Callen followed her to the car. It didn't take long and they both entered a welcoming little bar for a very late lunch.

After lunch when Nell came out of the bathroom a hand suddenly grabbed her and roughly turned her around. A man, large and built like a brick wall with full beard, obviously drunk, pulled her very close to his body and she was barely able to move. She tried to wiggle out of his grip but his huge hands tightened around her slender arms. "What about one dance, little redhead?" he slurred and moved her around as if she was just a feather. Compared with the man's weight, hers was indeed feather-like.

She had no chance to get away. "No. Let go of me!"

Feeling Nell move seemed to turn him on and prompted him to go on instead of letting her go. "Hmm, cute little redhead. Already on fire, aren't you? I like your moves. Do you know what one says about little redheads like you?" Nell was shaking her head and failed to kick him. "No?..." he asked and finally gave her the answer she really wasn't interested to hear. "The rustier the roof, the wetter the basement!" he slurred raunchily. "Is that true? I'd really love to find out…"

Nell blushed. She felt sick. She'd never felt as uncomfortable and defenseless as at this very moment and she started to panic. Although she had had some hand-to-hand combat training she did not have a ghost of a chance. She tried to turn around to get a sight of Callen to call him for help and was relieved to see him already come nearer. She breathed in sharply.

"Hey don't be an idiot. Let go of my girl" Callen said to the man with a calm but firm voice and turned the man around to face him what caused the drunk to sway slightly. Callen's eyes were sparkling angrily at the 'brickwall' and the guy shook his head in disbelief, wondering that someone smaller by a head was dumb enough to mess with him.

"What? Are you really asking for trouble, you pushover?" he started laughing boastfully but he couldn't react quick enough when Callen hit his chin with an intensity he'd never expected and loosened his grip on Nell in surprise.

Callen grabbed Nell, paid their tab on the counter and quickly headed straight to the exit, steering her out in a possessive looking way with his hand around her lower back. Nell snuggled her head under his crook and exhaled deeply when they stepped out of the bar. She could feel the anger in every single move Callen made. He was completely tensed up and he didn't allow himself to relax until they reached the car and left. Callen was mad as hell at the guy. And that was the second time that day that Nell had been in trouble.

Nell closed her eyes and didn't say a word. Well, what should she say at all? She knew the whole incident wasn't her fault. But the disgusting words the guy had said resonated in her head and she felt somehow embarrassed as Callen must have heard at least a part of it. But as a matter of fact and even though she didn't like any company in the beginning it turned out to be a blessing in disguise that Callen was with her. Hell, he had even pretended to be her boyfriend, although it was just to distract this barnacle from her. She felt comfortable with his arm around her and she had to admit to herself that he was the one person she'd prefer, if she had to choose somebody she felt the safest with. He was by far the most protective person she had ever known.

.*.*.*.*.

Not wanting to get into trouble like that again, Nell determined to buy some food for dinner and they went back to their cabin. Why had she been trailed? What kind of information was it she wasn't supposed to find out? She first needed fresh air and wanted to organize her thoughts until she was clear enough for an attempt to encrypt the data on the flesh drive and went down to the lake for a little walk. Callen already started to read through the copied documents.

It was already late at night when Nell decided to give up her today's attempts of decrypting the data. Today wasn't her best day she thought. She would better sleep over it one night and try it again the next day. After taking a shower she went to bed. Callen insisted of sleeping on the couch as he was still working through the papers.

Only two hours later Nell awoke and couldn't get back to sleep. She stepped into the living room and saw Callen's silhouette on the couch in the dim light of the flames he had lighted in the fireplace. It appeared to her he mustn't have slept by now. "Can't sleep any more" she grumbled and sat down next to him.

Callen held some documents in his hand. "Jacqueline Matthews." Nell raised one eyebrow in question. "It's your mother's name" he added.

Nell smiled a bit in excitement but was confused immediately when she remembered this name. "Wait, WHAT? Matthews is the name of my file in the adoption office and Matthews had been the name on my brother's certificates, too. Does that mean she is my brother's mother, also? And my twin-brothers are my _real_ brothers? Does that mean my adoptive-parents adopted three Matthews-siblings?"

Callen shrugged. "I don't know, but…"

"You found her?"Nell interrupted him, impatiently awaiting his answer, but he just shook his head and sighed when he showed her what else he had found. He hesitated until he continued "Hetty pulls all the strings, I assume" he said sadly with a low voice. "Look. Here it is mentioned that on request of a certain Gloria Edwards, all belongings of your mother had been rendered to the CIA." Nell's eyes widened when she became aware that Gloria Edwards was one of Hetty's aliases.

"So, I guess, all those belongings are now at NCIS as Hetty would have taken them all with her, when she changed her job?" she questioned and turned her gaze to him.

"This seems natural" he replied. He could see the disappointment in Nell's face.

"Is there anything else about my mother?" she asked but Callen shook his head again.

"I don't know what to say about that" her words were almost a whisper. "You know, I feel messed around. By Hetty! Not just that I am disappointed about my parents for not having told me my story, even though I'm almost 27 now, I'm mad at Hetty, too. I trusted her entirely and she betrayed me. I feel like one of her chess figures, or no, more like her puppet and she pulls the strings. I feel left, alone. Within a few days my life turned upside-down and I can hardly think clear! …and she knows… she knows… she always knew, evidently."

One single tear found its way down her cheek unnoticed by her. She was quivering in anger and desperation. Callen was an attentive listener and while he did so he studied her intently and when the tear ran over her freckles and down her pale cheek he, for a very short moment, thought about kissing this tear away and tasting its saltiness. But this would by far be much too inappropriate. And anyway, where did this weird thought come from? Instead he gently moved up his hand and wiped off the tear with his thumb. He stroked one of her strands of hair behind her ear and reached around her shoulder with one arm to let her head rest on his chest, placing a fluttered kiss on her forehead when he could smell the fresh citrus-like scent of her hair.

Nell allowed herself to cry and the tears dropped down on Callen's shirt. It took some time until she relaxed. They remained in this posture in silence and after a long while she fell asleep again.

Her deep and regular breathing showed Callen that she was sleeping soundly. He lifted her up, intending to carry her back into her bedroom. Since he covered her with the blanket she started to move slightly and grabbed his hand. "Don't" she mumbled anxiously. "Please don't go."

"Nell, I'm right there in the other room" he responded soothingly.

"I know. And I'm usually used to staying alone, but right now I just… can't." She paused until she went on "Everything's a total mess. I don't know who I really am or to whom else I am related with. I don't want to _feel_ that I'm alone. I simply want to feel someone is here with me and _cares_ for me, although someone… you… would just pretend. Please, Callen, don't go."

Wondering what to do best, he could see the emptiness in Nell's hazel eyes. Apparently she was now in a particular emotional state she didn't notice, if there was someone who really cared, and she had reached a point not knowing how to go on. He knew it well, this feeling of abandonment. This feeling when your breast tightens and barely allows you to breathe, this feeling as if you carry an incredible weight on your shoulders, like the weight of the world, this feeling to be worth nothing. Why? Why else should one be left or given away as a child and nobody cared weather one would find out the reason or not later… and the way how you did so? When he was a small kid, he had these feelings often, as a young adult it occurred regularly, still, but now it happened rarely.

The wall he had built around him was very solid and kept the majority of new pain and frustration successfully outside. For him it might have been better in those previous moments to have had someone around who had cared for him, reassured him, comforted him or loved him like a parent, and this made him understand he couldn't refuse this favor to Nell who was still holding his hand. She apparently - as she had just mentioned - was familiar with physical loneliness, at least, when her family was not around, but emotional forlornness must have been entirely new for Nell. One minute she had a family she'd thought it was her real one when in the next minute she'd become aware it wasn't.

With his thumb he was stroking over the back of her hand, giving her a reassuring smile. When he nodded she loosened her almost pleading grip on his hand and he pulled off his jeans and lay down next to her in his tee and boxers. She immediately snuggled her head on his chest and his arm surrounded her shoulders as it did before on the couch. It didn't take long until he could hear Nell's steady deep breathing again.

He barely slept and of course, tonight was no exception. So he had plenty of time to get to the bottom of many unfinished thoughts that hurry-scurried in his head.

What was it they had gotten into? Why had they been trailed? Why did Hetty store personal belongings of Nell's biological mother? What colorful past did Nell's biological parents have?

Callen turned his face to take a look at a peacefully sleeping Nell and he could smell the pleasant fresh citrus-like scent of her hair again and he inhaled it slowly. He could also make out her soft features in the bare moonlight what made her look fragile, somewhat vulnerable, even though he now knew after her actions today with their chasers that she wasn't like that really. He didn't need to pretend to care for her. He truthfully did. And he liked being _that_ close to her, he especially liked _her_ proximity, something he hadn't truly felt for years, no for decades to be honest. How could that be? At work his thoughts had hardly drifted into the direction that it might be possible he could be attracted to her. She was beautiful in her very individual way. To be honest, it was not only the physical appearance that counted. He once had told Sam he attracted an intellectual type of women. What he did not admit to him was the entire truth: the other way around _he_ preferred the intellectual type of women also and if Nell wasn't intellectual, who else was? Besides, Nell was reliable, honest and witty. She had a heart of gold. She was simply pure. That was Nell. And maybe the most important thing, he didn't need to pretend being anyone else when he was with her. Wasn't she exactly that kind of women, or possibly even _the_ woman, he was looking for?

He had felt flattered, the night Nell opened up to him and told him about her discovery and the trust she showed him. Was she that desperate that she just needed someone around that listened to her or was there a chance that she in particular had chosen him and there could be more? He wasn't sure about that.

But what was he thinking about? Although she was that kind of women he could imagine being with, there'd never be another relation between the both of them than co-workers. He wasn't good at any kind of relationships, so it was not worth to even think about having a relationship with Nell. Relationships did hurt. Starting to trust someone, starting to let someone in, was the beginning of getting hurt. Always. He knew that very well and so he never did any kind of relationships any more, intending to avoid the pain when they failed. He had felt it too often since he could think back, since he was a child. And having spent so much time with Nell made him know he liked her too much just to having fun with her, with this beautiful woman that was lying in his arms right now.

Nell moved slightly and Callen inhaled carefully through his teeth when she '_Oh crap!'_ slung an arm around his chest and one leg now rested atop of him. It just covered his special body parts and he felt his heart rate quicken. Clearly, her motion was entirely unconscious, and he had not expected that, but for what he was sensing, it made no difference; It felt really good and _he_ responded in a natural way.

Where was his well-trained self-control, he was said to be one of the best at it when he needed it? Usually when he needed some affection, he easily found a nice woman in a club or wherever who was on the same page and would satisfy his needs and he would do so in return. But this was something he would never do to Nell. The million-dollar-question would be anyway, if Nell was on the same page. He couldn't hurt Nell, ever. Except resisting the temptation was so hard. She _smelled_ seductive, she _felt_ seductive and he? He hadn't been with a woman for quite a while, as a matter of fact, and he couldn't help but feel the increasing arousal take possession of his body…


	7. Chapter 7

He was in hell.

Under other circumstances, he thought, this was what it could be like in heaven. He lay on a bed, cuddled with a beautiful woman for whom he had developed _real_ feelings, but just making out with the cute intelligence analyst, his _very young_ co-worker, was simply a no-go. Although he could hardly think straight at this very moment, since his little friend mercilessly tried to take the command of him. In reality…

…he was in hell.

Hetty would kill him!

Imaging Hetty in his mind was his rescue, sort of. She was a well-working contraceptive method, and it was somewhat scary but it was all it took to get rid of his arousal quickly. Moreover it was by far the most effective distraction he could ever imagine to get out of this conflicting situation, which it really was like. And once more, her words hammered in his head again. Hetty did never say anything without a reason, did she? Since when and why was he so intimidated of what Hetty said?

Nevertheless, he felt the urge to cool down and he carefully tried to disentangle himself from Nell's clutch and to flee from the temptation. He managed this without waking her up and stepped out on the porch, took off his tee and jumped into the cold lake. He hoped she would sleep through the rest of the night, so that he could stay in the safety of the living room.

.*.*.*.*.

Nell could swear Callen was acting strange. She couldn't explain it but it seemed as if he tried not to get too near to her. He didn't avoid her completely but somehow he was busy in keeping a distance between them. She was wondering if she had done something that had annoyed him or whatever had caused this oddly behavior. When she awoke and stepped into the living room he didn't look up at her as usual.

Later that morning, after he came back from taking some stuff for breakfast – he had somehow scrambled to get out and buy breakfast – and she was working at her notebook, she could feel his eyes on her but when she looked up, he quickly averted his gaze. This was weird and it irritated her. What was it she had done? It must have been something very wrong, she was afraid, what had made him keep her at arm's length. She couldn't understand it. The evening before he had not had any problems looking at her, talking with her, even touching her – and now? What had happened?

She wasn't able to focus on her decrypted file as her thoughts always drifted away to this certain agent and she needed to get to the bottom of why he was so withdrawn.

Callen was sitting on the porch, looking out on the water. She filled two mugs with coffee, walked outside, and took a seat in front of him to block his view.

"Something bothers you" she stated, staring at him.

He frowned, slightly shifting around in his chair. "I didn't sleep well" he replied and this wasn't completely a lie.

"Coffee?" she handed him a mug and he took it gladly. "Thanks." He addressed a faint smile at her.

"I didn't say 'thank you' yet."

Callen raised an eyebrow. "What's that for?"

"For helping me out yesterday in the bar… And for being there for me last night" she answered.

"I'd do this anytime again, Nell" he replied, but thinking it over, he wasn't that sure, if this was a good idea in future. At least the second part.

She looked straight at him "I know. But…" she sighed "are you mad at me? Did I do anything wrong?" she asked unsure. "You're aloof and I've got a feeling there's something wrong."

"No. It's not…" he answered quickly and turned his gaze up to the bright blue sky. He couldn't, he just couldn't talk about that with her. Not yet, maybe never. He would better not think about her most likely reaction when he would tell her about his attraction to her. She would certainly laugh at him and in the end she would probably think he was kind of a pedophiliac… Well, okay, this was grossly overstated – she wasn't _that_ young; She was a beautiful, attractive, tough woman, but still… He just needed a random excuse for his behavior and turned his eyes back to face her, hoping she would buy it "You did nothing wrong, don't worry. It's me. I'm not good at the being-around-other-people-thing. Sometimes I'm sort of an eremite and lone wolf and I don't expect you or anyone else to understand me."

Wondering if this was an honest answer she eyed him suspiciously but she couldn't find it out. He was a well-trained agent and for her, not knowing him well, it was almost impossible to read him. So she had no other choice than to accept this explanation although she didn't believe one word of it. "You lent me an ear and I would do this for you in return. So if you need someone to talk to… I just want you to know that. You don't need to do or deal with – whatever - on your own, you know?" she knew he would not tell her what was up and she had to stop pushing him now. If G Callen did not want to do anything he would not do so. "So, we're good?" she asked finally, sad he noticeably did not trust her enough to open up a little.

Callen sighed in relief that this conversation seemed to be over now and gave her an encouraging smile "Yes. We're good. - Breakfast?"

Nell nodded. "What about taking this stuff down to the lake and eat there?" she asked pointing at the bag he had brought from the store.

"Sounds great" he stood up, took the bag and they both headed to the lake.

.*.*.*.*.

"I really like this place." Nell had put her shoes and stockings off and started balancing and jumping from one big stone to another one which lay in the low water. She had loved to do this when she was a child. "Last time I was here I was so happy. I was a small child then and the world was only black and white, skies were blue, grass was green. Everything was easy and here, here it was - and it still is - so peaceful" she continued.

Callen was wading in the water while he was watching her. It was funny to see her jumping on the stones, little jumps, larger jumps and it made her look younger, even younger than she was anyway. But for the first time within the past days she seemed to be a bit more confident and less tensed and he thought she was on her way back to become the former Nell again; almost at least.

"How far did you get with the decryption yet?" he asked.

She shook her head and sighed. "Not far. It's confusing. I might have to call Eric for help."

"Yeah, perhaps. I'm sure he will be glad to help" he made a short break "and I'm pretty sure he will be glad to hear from you, too" he added. He thought it would be the best, pushing her into Eric's arms as the tech would do everything for her. Eric was a solid guy, not such a wrack like him. Setting those two up would stop him from thinking about her as someone else than a co-worker and besides he would never pinch another man's girlfriend. Problem solved. They could be _friends_ then… very likely.

"Ha ha, very funny. I thought we had this conversation already." She glanced at him. "He's not my type."

Callen paused for a short moment. "So, I'm curious." Just for a very brief moment he lifted his eyebrows and smiled impishly, to put on a neutral face before he asked her directly. "If you don't mind my asking… What kind of man exactly _is_ your type then?"

Nell pretended to think about this for a second. But actually it was not hard for her to describe. She preferred blond men which, for example, fitted with three guys at OSP: Eric, Deeks _and_ Callen. But she'd better not tell him that, because the crux was, she fancied the 'bad-boys', the ones with a rough and masculine touch and not the nice and lanky ones. And then, there was only one left in the basket. And since she had once seen his amazing blue eyes… since that day she had solely been looking for blue-eyed men. But she never found anyone for a 'Callen-substitute'. Nell could feel her cheeks blush. That would be so embarrassing! Callen was the contrary of being dense. When she would tell him that, he'd just have to put two and two together and…

Suddenly she lost her balance and he could see her wind milling her arms to get back control. But it was all too late already, and while she was shrieking she fell into the water. Callen had no chance to keep her from falling as he was too far away to reach her in time so he only could see her splash into the lake. At least he wanted to give her a helping hand and walked through the water to lift her up. He was amused. But not in a mischievous way. A long time ago he had already fallen for her clumsiness that once in a while popped up and he liked it. This was so Nell, he couldn't help but chuckle.

Nell on the other hand did not find it very funny as Callen reached out his hand to help her. She was so embarrassed! But nevertheless she took his hand and then she stood in front of him all wet, and rivers of water ran down her face and body.

'_Oh my God'_ Callen thought when he pulled a completely soaked Nell out of the water. Her saturated flowery summer dress covered her body like a second skin and so every curve of her was revealed to him now. She was wearing a pink bra! Just an hour ago he was lucky when he thought he had recovered from this stressful night and now? Now it all started from the beginning… He had to control himself not to gasp because after all he was a man and to be honest he liked what he saw… very much. He knew he should turn around but neither was he able to avert his gaze from her nor to move one bit. Forgotten was his idea to hook her up with Eric.

And then she knew. At least she thought she knew that she knew. It was the way he was looking at her, sweat appearing on his forehead, and she could swear, it had something to do with his former, distant behavior. It was too obvious and left her no room for any doubt. How could it happen that 'the legend' seemed to be predictable, his face readable? She was just the geek girl in his team, pretty young and, hell, not very experienced due to her encounters with men. And he, of all people, should be drawn to her? She asked herself if this really could be.

Nell was feeling awkward. Why the heck had she chosen a summer dress in the morning and not her jeans and shirt? She saw Callen standing stunned, his incredible blue eyes darkened regarding her intently with curiosity from top to bottom. She had to admit, he was a _very_ attractive man. But since the first day they met she never had allowed herself to think of him than more as a co-worker as this was way beyond any imagination and moreover it was way too school-girlish. But now, now she was utterly perplexed. Holy moly!

This was G Callen! She hardly knew this man. Well, not exactly didn't she know him; she just was familiar with her co-worker G Callen and not the man outside of work and duty. His reputation due to women, well… It was said he was that kind of being someone who was a master of sweet-talk, who bewitched the women. And if she could believe the gossip in OSP, most of these women fell for his charms. Did she really want to become one of his random scores, discarded in a large jar of hearts shortly thereafter? He was a very handsome man, she besides had discovered she liked his presence and his closeness - and of course, what kind of a woman would she be if she had not thought about being _close_ to him? - but she couldn't afford falling for him. Doing so she'd just hurt herself and she would definitely have to see him everyday afterwards. _'Mind the danger, Nell'_ she thought to herself.

Well no, she couldn't stand right in front of him, her kind-of-boss, that way. She was quite aware of how she right now looked like and blushed. Wearing this wet dress didn't help to cover anything, she was completely exposed… That was no good. Without delay she needed a way to defuse the situation.

Unexpected for Callen she bent down and splashed a gush of water at him and tried to get out of the water quickly. She started to giggle when out of the corner of her eyes she could see his astonished look and his hands running down his face, wiping away the water and it appeared that he got back to his senses. When she looked back she could see a now playfully smiling Callen who clearly had in mind to _'take revenge'_ on her. And she started to run away faster.


	8. Chapter 8

Nell had gotten rid of her dress quickly. Unlike her, she had left it in the middle of the cabin not to wet the whole wooden floor when she would have worn it while she was running straight to the bedroom to get some clothes and headed quickly to the bathroom.

When Callen returned into the cabin he could already hear the shower running. He had slowed down following her. What would have happened when he had caught her up? He, probably, wouldn't have been able to restrain himself. He, certainly, would have taken her into his arms, pulling her tight and… What? He was sure he would need a shower as well, but a very cold one, as he needed to clear his mind. But first he started to make fire in the fireplace, placed a drying rack in front of it and neatly hung up Nell's dress what he had found lying in the middle of the floor, timidly gliding his fingertips over the soft, wet fabric.

He took a cup of coffee and sat down on a chair on the porch and waited for Nell to finish up. He had to collect his thoughts _tout de suite_. _This_ had to stop before he'd lose control. He was afraid of his feelings for her that seemed to have come up out of nowhere, feelings he never thought he could develop for someone. However, there was a thin line to be crossed and he couldn't afford to be lead by his feelings. _This_ had to stop before it could ever start. All he needed was his daily routine again. The only responsible thing to do was to go back to L.A. very soon: before everything got even more delicate and awkward.

She had to do something to distract and tax her brain and so she had texted Eric about something she needed to know to decrypt the data while Callen was in the shower and Eric had called her the minute he must have received her message. Eric had excused for his jealous-like behavior and Nell had told him in return, she had not anticipated to make him feel deceived. She told him, she had planned on going on her trip all alone, but that Callen didn't let her go on her own, intending to support and take care of her. She told Eric the short version about what had happened in the CPS, the staff there and the chasing after their second visit and, of course, her gunfight. With good reasons she kept the incident in the bar and her fears that night for herself as well as what she thought she had spotted in Callen's face after her involuntary bath in the lake.

Nell told Eric about her decrypting problems in detail and the tech offered his help. He promised to call her back in the evening. He wanted to go into ops after he had made sure Hetty had left, to check the files Nell had sent him in the meantime. So it was to be expected it could become very late that night, until he would be able to call her back. She was very glad about the fact that their disagreement was over now.

Nell could tell she was very confused. She had no idea what to do with her discovery - if _it_ really was a discovery - and how to handle _it_. Truth be told, she couldn't believe that Callen would be thinking about her more than a co-worker. So she wrote it all off as a misinterpretation. Honestly, a misinterpretation was all it could be._ 'Maybe Callen is right…_ _Eric would probably do everything for me… And girls like me are seemingly assigned for guys like Eric' _she thought and sighed.

When Callen got out of the bathroom, she acted as if nothing had happened. "I had a phone-call with Eric" she told him. He looked at her with his familiar neutral look on his face. "He is going to decrypt the files for me later that evening. He just waits until Hetty has left the office and he will call back when he has found out something. In case there is still something to accomplish in this area we should stay the night to manage this tomorrow morning and head home afterwards."

Darn it! The responsible thing, to go back to L.A., would have to wait. "That's fine" he replied slowly.

It seemed to him as if she had not recognized his earlier emotional slip that was so unlike him. Thank heavens! He had no idea how this could have happened. How could he have let his guard down like that? Callen wanted to get out of the small cabin and hoped they could socialize anywhere and to get his mind off the emotions he was struggling with. So he decided it probably was best to take the bull by the horns. "Well, as there's nothing to get done now, we could go… sightseeing… Any ideas?" He just needed to check himself…

Nell on the one hand was a bit disappointed, as the way he looked at her and the way he spoke made her guess she indeed must have misinterpreted the previous situation but on the other hand she was glad to see he was acting quite normal again and they could go on as usual. "Ehm… It's a bit quirky, maybe…" she hesitated, "well… I enjoyed the Ponderosa Ranch a lot when I was a kid. It's not that far away from here. So if you don't mind, I would love to visit it again…" her eyes lit up and she had a huge smile on her face when she walked down memory lane.

He wasn't sure, what exactly she meant with that but he assumed it had something to do with the old western series "Bonanza" he had been watching sometimes years ago. "Well, that's okay by me" he agreed.

"May I drive your car?" she asked enthusiastically, looking into his eyes in a begging way.

He wasn't able to say no… He couldn't deny her to drive the Mercedes when he looked into her now puppy-like face, although it was hard – as hard as it was for every man, to let a woman drive his vehicle… So he agreed with this hesitantly and nodded his head when Nell grabbed his car keys without delay and ran out of the room to his car as fast as Speedy.

.*.*.*.*.

If he had known what it meant to let Nell behind the steering wheel of his car, he would definitely have denied her to drive the Mercedes. She turned out to be a little speed-junkie _'wohoo, how much HP does this car have did you say?'_ and _'did I ever tell you I have a soft spot for fast cars as much as I like Monster-truck-shows?' _and riding shotgun with Nell was even worse than riding shotgun with Kensi. He was very busy to remind her of the traffic rules as Hetty of course would not be pleased to see two of her federal agents being caught in a radar trap. After a few minutes he felt the urge to ask her stop the car. This damn _'motion sickness'_!

On their way back, he would have to insist on driving himself. Not that he wasn't used to driving fast – he was aware of his or Sam's driving skills but he wasn't about Nell's and he wondered from whom of her parents she might have got her driving abilities. Besides he had no death wish right now.

But there was another thing that bothered him: Nell's kind of aggressive and risky behavior was new. It was unlike her and he worried if it could be that she was unable to cope with her current familiar situation. He had seen her desperate and frustrated when she failed in decrypting the data, he'd seen her enthusiastic when there was a chance to succeed. And now she was abusing his car like a maniac. Her moods were changing quite often the past days and he asked himself if this all might be a sign for depressions, induced by the recent stressful life-events? He made a mental note to keep an eye on her - should he get out of his car alive - and maybe, no definitely, he should talk to Nate later and ask him for professional advice.

When they arrived at the 'Ponderosa Ranch' (like he had assumed it had to do with the western series), luckily without puking inside or outside the car, they must determine the ranch was being closed permanently. _'No trespassing'_ was written in bold capitals on the former entrance.

"I should have informed myself before!" Nell was angry about herself and disappointed. But after learning that Nell was not afraid of being caught when breaking several traffic laws on their way there he didn't begin to wonder when she tried to talk him into sneaking in. Well, they were at least agents and well trained not to get caught.

"I guess I must have seen nearly every episode of this series… Look Callen, the Silver Dollar Saloon is still there! And the Chapel! And almost everything else of the famous film set." Nell explained enthusiastically and grabbed Callen's hand to trail him behind her "And up there, there's the 'Cartwright Ranch House'. From there you can oversee 'Virginia City'! Come along!" Callen almost had to run to keep pace with her but he enjoyed seeing Nell smile and it seemed her childhood memories helped her to feel better.

Nell was glad that everything she knew from her last visit in her childhood was still there, although the film set wasn't in a good shape anymore. When they walked along the former Lake Tahoe Picture Trail they had a great view over the whole film set and behind the treetops the lake was to be seen. It was a beautiful sight over the blue shimmering water and in the background one could see the mountains framing Lake Tahoe.

They were on their way back to the car when Callen spotted something glinting by the wayside. When he took it in his hands he identified it as a souvenir coin, the ones that have this elongated shape from an embossing machine and he could see the four heads of the 'Cartwright's' on it. Smiling he took Nell's hand in one of his', placed the coin with the other on her palm and enveloped it with her small fingers "You'll like that, I guess" he said looking at her, and with both hands he was holding her hand a second longer than needed before he let go. Nell opened her fingers to have a closer look at the item Callen had given her and when she recognized what it was she started to grin like a Cheshire cat "Aw, that's awesome. Thank you so much!"

Callen was happy to see Nell smile as it showed him she had forgotten her sorrows at least for a short moment and this made him feel much better, too. Nevertheless he was glad to get out of the Ponderosa Ranch unseen.

"Unfortunately I cannot offer you the famous 'Hoss-Burger' anymore" she spoke wistfully "but we could see if there's a nice diner anywhere. I'm buying."

"And I'm driving" he said quickly like a shot, tightening the grip around the car key.

"Afraid, I could do any harm to your car, Agent Callen?" she asked a bit amused.

He shook his head and with a smile he answered to her "No, I'm afraid I won't be able to eat anything because of motion sickness when we arrive at a diner."

"You're not trying to tell me I was a bad car-driver, are you?" she asked feigning annoyance, folding her arms in front of her chest.

'_Same as Kensi'_ he thought and chuckled, not looking at her he avoided to give a reply. Needless to say Nell was not amused any more when she knew she would not get an answer. No answer was answer enough. But when she looked at the coin in her hand she had to smirk again and it didn't take long and they fell into an easy conversation.

They had dinner with burgers and beer in a nice pub and the rest of the day went uneventful until Eric called back late at night.

.*.*.*.*.

Nell had grabbed a bottle of wine from the kitchen earlier and with their glasses she and Callen were sitting in front of the fire place on the floor, enjoying the warmth coming from the flames while they were going through the documents again, hoping to find something they must have missed up to that point.

"Hi Eric, I'll put you on speaker again, so Callen can hear you" Nell informed him and Callen asked "Hey Eric, what have you got?"

"Hi Callen" Eric replied awkwardly but he quickly fell in his daily routine as if he briefed the agents. "Well, the data you sent me had been encrypted in the same way like the NCIS file was. Although it wasn't that complicated as it was a deprecated system. – It must have been Lara Sheldon who betrayed you. You won't believe it; she's married to a cousin of Vasile Comescu! And this is probably the reason why they were after you."

Callen's body tensed when he heard what Eric had just said. The feeling in his gut that he had that night when Nell told him about her situation had not betrayed him. Indeed, the Comescu's were involved in this matter. But how and why? Well, that was a problem that was to be solved later, if possible. Now he had to focus on what Eric informed them.

"I will send you the decrypted files right now. You can get through them then. The copies Callen made show that there still are some items that are being stored at NCIS in the meanwhile. To be concrete, this must be a birth certificate, and some personal things. And one of the copies shows a hint of the father but the name had been blackened out. Nell, there's a chance your father could still be alive!"Nell's face lightened up when she heard Eric say this. But did he just say 'could still be alive'? Did this mean her mother wasn't? The minute she wanted to ask him about that, Eric proceeded.

"But there's something else I have found out, too" he said. "It's to be read in the decrypted documents." Eric hesitated and took a deep breath before he continued "I'm very sorry Nell, but it seems as if your mother has died a long time ago…"

Callen could see how Nell's face went pale. Her eyes were focused on the flames and her body started to shiver slightly. He took the phone "Thank you Eric, we'll talk later…" but he was interrupted "Callen… Take care of her… Please," Eric stumbled. Callen could sense how bad Eric felt at this moment and how concerned he was about Nell. "I do" he promised in a low voice and put down the phone.

Callen was watching Nell intently for some minutes now. After what felt like an eternity she was still sitting on the floor, surrounding her knees with her arms, swinging back and forth. Her eyes looked empty into the flames. She had not spoken a word since he broke up the phone call. He couldn't tell if she was aware of his presence anyway, when she suddenly started to speak. It was barely a whisper and he needed to get closer to understand her, not sure if she was talking to him or just to herself.

"Who am I really, Callen?" Okay, she was fully aware of his presence. She averted her gaze from the flames to look at him but he could only lock eyes with her, not knowing what to answer. Wasn't that a question he was asking himself his whole damn life, too?

"There's something missing. Although I always felt good with my adoption family, they will not be able to tell me anything about my mother, my _'identity'_, I guess," she sighed sadly. "How will I get to know anything about her, when she's dead? Who knows about her, who could fill in the blanks?"

Seeing Nell like that almost broke his heart and he reached out his hand to stroke up and down her spine, calming her. Leaning her head on his chest she started to cry silently.

"Whoever has arranged my adoption has stolen my real name, my personal integrity." she continued some minutes later. Her voice now was little more than a whisper. "Every human being has a history. Even this nine month in the belly of another woman, the days, weeks or years before the adoption belong to this history. I feel they have stolen these memories from me, without a chance to get them some day," and then she was sobbing, tears running down her face. Clinging desperately to Callen who now couldn't do anything else than holding her, comforting her, she quivered. "Who am I?" she asked once again.

She had no idea how badly he could emphasize with how she was feeling. He understood every single word. Hell, it almost could have been his words as well! With this thought he swallowed hard and with his arms he surrounded her slender body even more tight and cradled her tenderly. She reached her arms around his well-built upper body as far as she could, her head still resting on his chest and sitting like this they were soothing each other.

Nell felt his arms embracing her, holding her tight and like this she felt safe and protected. To hell with her resolutions! Earlier, she had decided for herself, she not wanted to be one of Callen's random girls. But in this moment of weakness she was throwing all her resolutions out of the window. She felt safe with him. Just him. Period.

In this mood of desperation and hurt she needed closeness, comfort, caressing. All things, she hoped Callen could and would give her. And as if she was remote-controlled she locked eyes with his gorgeous blues, her hands reached up behind his neck, pulling him down to her for a desperate-longing kiss and he gave in to her tentatively, tasting the salt of her tears on her soft and tender lips. He closed his eyes surrendering to his feelings and he wished time may stand still so they could remain like this forevermore.


	9. Chapter 9

Every now and then in the past she had anticipated how it would be like to kiss or to be kissed by Callen and she was relieved and charmed at once, when he returned her kiss. It was a moment she'd never thought to experience in her life. It was tentative first and he was smooth and gentle and when he even intensified their kiss, his stubbles were tickling her. Kissing Callen turned into a wonderful sensual adventure until he suddenly hesitated and pulled back. Embarrassed, she wished to be able to disappear completely and nervously started to chew on her lower lip.

"God, Nell." His breath was heavy. He was gently stroking through her hair when he slowly broke the kiss. He was not breaking his gaze with her hazel eyes, trying to analyze in the depth of them why she had initiated kissing him. He was fighting an inner conflict. He wanted to be with her, kiss her and feel her so badly. His hands were cupping her face now and she was looking at him wide-eyed. In her eyes he could see a mixture of pain, despair and desire and he feared going ahead would not only satisfy their needs but also increase the momentary pain. What would be the consequence when she became aware of what she was doing… with him…? He really was afraid she would think she had made a mistake. Did he really mean anything to her? Did she really care about him? What, when she rejected him? And what, when she thought now, he was going to reject her, when he actually didn't want to…?

She held his gaze, now questioning his withdrawing just with the look of her eyes, thinking she might have gone too far and had misinterpreted his previous actions and he could see in her tension she was intending to get away from him. She could not hold eye contact anymore and dropped her gaze ashamed on her feet. He didn't want her to feel that way and quickly held her in his embrace, caressing her back soothingly.

"Don't go" he whispered, stroking softly through her hair down her cheek again and when he reached her chin he lifted her head up, locking eyes with her "listen to me, Nell, please" he almost pleaded and the timbre of his voice made her resisting the urge to move away. She nodded her head so slightly he almost missed the sign for his go-ahead and struggled in finding the right words. He leaned his head on her forehead and took a deep breath "I'm not that good in this whole 'emotions-thing', I'm not a poet, but I'm trying to put into words what's going on in my dazed head right now."

He could feel her tense up and knew he had to go on to stop her from planning on running away. "I wish we were at this point under other circumstances. I'm not sure if this really is what you want right now. I don't want you to regret when we would give in our feelings now." Nell started to squirm, trying to get away from him but he couldn't let her go like that. He knew he needed to reveal more to let her know he was not refusing her. But how? Why was _this_ so hard?

He grabbed her on her wrists, not forceful but firm enough not to let her go so easily. "Please, listen to me first." She froze in her movements and looked directly into his eyes, her gaze somewhat desperate and angry "I get it, Callen. I was wrong. Let go of me!" Tears were welling up in her eyes again. Usually, she wasn't _that_ emotional but the last days had taken a toll on her and now the icing of the cake of bad experiences was him, turning away, refusing her.

"No. You don't get it" he went on "I'm on a roller coaster ride at this very moment. You mean a lot to me, Nell…"

"But" she interrupted him. "What's up with the 'but'?" she asked annoyed.

"… I'm afraid you will push _me_ away when you figure out that you just turned to me because you needed comfort, as you are having a weak moment right now. I'm afraid you will regret and I want to protect you and me from getting hurt. I don't want you to think afterwards I took advantage of you while you're suffering from a temporary weakness. I'm trying to prevent us from the pain it might cause. I want us to be clear in our minds should we give us a shot" he hurried to continue his speech. Noticing he still held her on her wrists, he quickly loosened his grip. What he definitely didn't want was her to feel straightened. He was relieved to see, she was not trying to get away from him anymore. She was standing in front of him, trying to let his words in to become conscious of their significance.

When his words reached her mind she was taken by surprise of what he had just said. Not one second had she been aware of what he was struggling with and it now left her stunned. For someone like Callen these words got very close to a soul striptease and she had not realized till that very moment how confused he was, too. And it gave her a hint of what he must have been through in his life. Her features softened and he could feel her relax slightly when she blushed. Smiling, she took his hands in hers and squeezed them tenderly and with another nod of her head she signaled him to continue.

"Nell, I don't know where this all will lead both of us to" he whispered. "I'm afraid this is not the right time and not the right place to find out what _we_ are. Let's find out first, who _you_ are. Let me help you, let us go home tomorrow, let me be you a friend you can rely on and let us see what we could be in the time to come."

Deep in her heart she could feel he was right. She now knew he was not pushing her away. She now knew he was having feelings for her and she now knew she had to collect her thoughts first. At least she had someone who cared about her, encouraged her and gave her support, no matter what. It probably was too much all at once and a relationship based on intense and strain experiences would very likely be one that was built on sand. Time would show what was up to happen to or with them and if there was a chance for an _'us'_ and a _'we'_ he had previously emphasized a number of times. She had a good feeling everything was going to take a turn for the better. But first, there were still some riddles to be solved. Still smiling, she leaned her head on his chest and slung her arms around his waist. And it felt right.

Callen sighed in relief when he rested his chin on her head, holding her tight and inhaling the lemon scent of her hair, which he liked so much. Closing his eyes, he took in this peaceful moment hoping it would last a while. Laying on the couch, Nell half on top of him, even Callen fell asleep for a few hours. And for the first time after she had discovered she was an adoptee, Nell had no bad thoughts or nightmares that were punishing her in her sleep.

.*.*.*.*.

They arrived back in L.A. in the late afternoon. Callen had dropped Nell at her apartment and not sure what to do next, he decided to head at OSP's, just to check if everything was in order.

He was sitting at his desk, going through some paperwork.

"What was your excursion to Nevada like, Mr. Callen?" Hetty had appeared out of thin air next to him and he jumped slightly. Damn, he would never get used to Hetty's ninja-skills…

"Nice. Thanks for asking, Hetty" he replied, looking impishly into her eyes, waiting for what would happen next. This small and accurate woman sometimes had this alarming ability to tease her staff merciless, and letting them feel uncomfortable and uneasy. Right now, exactly, was such a moment and his cocky behavior faded gradually the longer Hetty was eying him.

As she watched Callen, what seemed to be an eternity for him, she lifted her head slightly and looked squarely into his eyes. "I hope Miss Jones isn't too confused about whatever you might have found?" she asked with a suspicious undertone but keeping her face neutral.

Well, that was a question Callen could give her an honest answer for. "Don't worry, Hetty. I took care of her and I'll keep doing that" he responded. He didn't want to tell her or talk about their discoveries without Nell being there, if ever.

"A-haa… I certainly have no doubt about that, Mr. Callen." She paused for a short moment when she continued in a low voice. "I want you to know, I do not welcome anything else than a work-related liaison. Besides I may advice you, as you are treading in uncharted waters… keep your hands to yourself – otherwise you might burn your fingers…" She turned on her heels, walking away and Callen moved up from his seat intending to follow her and ask her what she meant specifically but stopped. And there he stood in the bullpen: stunned, with wide eyes and his mouth open.

Shaking his head in astonishment, he heard her add from afar "And Mr. Callen, I want you and Miss Jones here at my office at 8 tomorrow morning… For a private conversation. Please be on time."

.*.*.*.*.

Callen left the OSP and headed to his car. He was already on his way to Nell's apartment when he suddenly turned and drove to his house. He needed some time for himself and he wouldn't help Nell one bit when he told her about his weird conversation with Hetty. He just would confuse her more and more. She had enough to deal with her own problems right now.

'_Hetty's office 2moro at 8.' _He decided to text her.

'What's up?' she answered quickly.

'_Don't know yet. She insisted us to front up. What about breakfast earlier?'_

'_Sounds good 2 me.'_

'_Pick you up at 7. Gnite.'_

'_Sweet dreams.'_

.*.*.*.*.

Nell had already unpacked her suitcase and had done the laundry, when she found the souvenir coin in her purse and her thoughts went directly to Callen. Thinking about him conjured a light-hearted smile on her face.

As she passed a family portrait hanging on the wall she stopped in her movements, studying it intently, carefully sliding over her 'parent's' faces with her pointer finger. _'Strange,'_ she thought _'that I never got suspicious about how they look… I don't really take after them… I never thought I would be able to understand how Callen must be suffering since he can think back, how painful it is not to know where you're from. There are so many similarities.' _

_Nell headed into her bathroom for a_ _bubble bath. She needed silence and relaxation. Nell recognized she was so tired she had to struggle against falling asleep in the bath tub right away. So it didn't take long to drop off later and she slept soundly through the night._

.*.*.*.*.

Hetty was sitting at her desk. She could tell she was nervous. This happened extremely rarely and she was dead certain that this conversation with Miss Jones was long overdue. She wasn't sure what exactly the young woman had figured out already. She had no idea, how and where to start yet. There was no other chance than to tell her the plain truth. She had to talk to her, well, to both of them (as Miss Jones had somehow made Mr. Callen privy to her secret) without further delay, before the damage was done. She instantly hoped it wasn't too late already. It would be a long sleepless night and she still had to nerve herself for the coming day.

* * *

A/N: What is Hetty going to reveal? Well, we'll see… next chapter.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N A few readers asked for it, so here it is:

WARNING - this story makes a twist you may not be happy with.

Please keep in mind that the two main characters did not know anything so far about the facts Hetty is going to tell them.

Referring to my title (Bad Moon Rising, lyrics by Creedence Clearwater Revival):

I see the bad moon arising

I see trouble on the way

I see earthquakes and lightnin'

I see bad times today

* * *

When Nell and Callen arrived at the office they could see Hetty sitting at her desk. She looked exhausted and although they were on time, it seemed the elderly lady had already been waiting for them. Callen had told Nell about what Hetty had said the previous day while they were having breakfast and both were concerned and nervous about what Hetty wanted to discuss with them now. She rose from her seat and walked up to her analyst and agent.

"Good morning," she said to both of them and Nell and Callen returned her greeting. "I figured it was better to meet you at the file room to make sure we will be all alone. I already prepared some tea as I assume it will take us some time." She did not tell them she had brewed a calming-tea, which she was sure would be absolutely necessary, especially for herself. With a nod of her head into the direction of the file room she invited them to go ahead. When they all had stepped inside she closed the door behind them and the three took a seat, Hetty on one, Nell and Callen on the opposite side of the table. It reminded Callen on his schooldays when the principle had called him into his office although this time the situation was the other way around. This time the 'principle' had been called upon to declare her herself.

They were sitting in silence. Hetty was eying them. In front of her sat her Agent Callen, calm and cool as usual, his face unreadable; next to him, her Intelligence Analyst, who was looking at her curiously. The young woman reached out her hand grabbing Mr. Callen's hand nervously and he squeezed the small fingers tenderly, giving Nell a reassuring smile. He did not seem to care of what Hetty had told him the day before and she was wondering if the two of them were already in a kind of particular relationship. But it wasn't Hetty, the Duchess of Deception, if she openly showed any signs of disapproval or anything. However, she wasn't sure what to do with this right now and she had to acknowledge to herself that it bothered her. There was no other way than to tell Miss Jones what she deserved to know. And, more than that, her Agent-in-Charge deserved to know the plain truth as well.

"I would like to come clean with you," she broke the awkward silence with a strained voice and coughed slightly.

"You don't say," Callen responded sarcastically and this time Nell squeezed his hand to calm him. "It's about time, don't you think?" Nell asked Hetty straightaway.

Hetty nodded in response and tried to collect her thoughts. Never had she expected that she was the one who would have to deal with this situation alone and that it would be that hard for her. She took a deep sigh before she started to explain.

"Miss Jones, I'm not exactly sure to which extent your inquiries have been successful. What I'm now going to tell you is hardly convenient for me and might not be it for you either. But there is no way to withhold it from you for longer. I'm quite certain that you deserve the truth. This is _long_ overdue."

Nell and Callen exchanged a concerned look and when they looked back to their boss they concentrated their attention solely on her and her words but without releasing the other one's hand.

"As I ascertained, you learned recently that you had been adopted. Well, I knew your adoptive mother, Miss Jones. We knew each other because of a common assignment when we were with the CIA. Her name was Matthews then. She and her husband had already adopted twins when they adopted a seventeen year old girl as well. The girl was your mother and was pregnant then – with you.

They had promised the girl she could raise her baby within the family but a social worker had mentioned to your mother she would have to give the baby away after the delivery and this damn misinformation lead to this tragic history. The girl ran away and gave birth to you all alone. She lost too much blood in the aftermath of the delivery and died shortly afterwards. You had been found in time and the Matthews' adopted you as well."

Nell was confused. "How is it that I didn't grow up at the Matthews'?" she asked.

"Well, you indeed grew up at the Matthews'," Hetty tried to clarify. "They changed their family name into Jones – your mother's birth name – and moved from Nevada to Idaho. We needed to delete traces to keep you safe. Now comes the difficult part for me. Until she had been adopted by the Matthews', the pregnant girl's name was Jacqueline Foley…" Hetty paused and looked straight at Mr. Callen.

.*.*.*.*.

Callen was taken aback when he heard this name. That explained why he had not been able to find her in the past. He didn't know that she had been adopted and that her name then had changed into Matthews. All the years he had been searching for her and learned now from Hetty that she had not only been adopted but been pregnant, too. It was this thought that made him turn pale… He jumped a little when he heard Hetty's voice again, interrupting his thoughts.

"Mr. Callen, as you know, I have always been informed where you lived in your youth. I knew when you had been 'caught' with Jackie Foley and you were sent back into foster care in California where else she had to stay in foster care in Nevada where she came from, coincidentally at my old friend's house. When it turned out she was pregnant I arranged her permanent stay at the Matthews'. Jackie had been adopted and everything had already been arranged to help her to keep the baby. The Matthews' took care of her and Jackie liked her adoptive parents. Everything went well until that day when she ran away, well advanced in pregnancy, because she was more afraid of a social worker's gossip than to trust her new parent's words. I couldn't blame her, because of the things she had gone through all the years before." Hetty sighed heavily.

"The next I heard from Jackie was about her tragic death. I did everything in my power to accommodate you, Miss Jones, at the Matthews-family, too, after we learned about the child's father and that was what insisted us to change the name Matthews into Jones and your adoptive parents to move away. We had to take care of you. We had to keep you, too, safe from the Comescu-family and you were well protected by your adoptive-mother Lorena, who was - after all - an ex-CIA-Agent."

Nells confusion grew more and more. "Are you gonna tell me now, my father was or still is a dangerous man?" she asked.

"No!" Hetty replied immediately. "No, anything but dangerous. But please let me try to reveal the rest of the story as far as I know it." Mentally she added '_Lord help me!'_ and turned her eyes up to heaven.

Hetty's posture stiffened when she was looking at her agent again. Callen had a feeling that there was something significant going to happen now and he blankly stared back. '_Why the hell should Nell be kept safe from the Comescus?'_ he asked himself when a premonition hit him all of a sudden and he slowly pulled his hand out of Nell's hold. This move had not gone unnoticed and when Hetty continued, her voice vibrated slightly.

"There is a document in our storage, besides your original birth certificate Miss Jones, which mentions your father's name." Never in her life had Hetty felt so guilty. But she was sure she had no other chance to ease her conscience than to tell them the plain truth. And moreover she was dead certain, for her there was no way to escape it anymore. She took a long deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Mr. Callen, Miss Jones, it occurs that the father of Jackie's baby is nobody else than… you, Mr. Callen…"

In less than the blink of an eye after Hetty had confessed this, Callen jumped off his seat and with a loud bang the chair fell backwards to the floor. His hands were running over his face and he was pacing through the room. Nell pulled both her hands over her mouth to absorb a high scream that tried to escape her lips. Wide-eyed and motionless she was looking at Hetty, then back to Callen who was struggling not to lose his self-control.

After what seemed like an eternity, Callen lifted his chair and sat down again. When he turned his gaze at Nell's he could see her crying silent tears. With furiously sparkling eyes and clenching his teeth he stared at Hetty. "I want to know all of it. Tell me. Tell us. We deserve this, don't you think?" he ordered, trying to sound calm but swallowed hard.

.*.*.*.*.

It was now or never and so Hetty told them the rest of the story. Nell grew up safe and she did well in school and university. So Hetty hired her for NCIS and was glad to have both of them – father and daughter – under one roof.

Somehow the Comescus knew that there was a 'Callen-baby' and right after the adoption in Carson City they made it to place a mole in the adoption office: Lara Sheldon. As Hetty and Lorena Jones learned very early that the baby they took care of was a Callen they managed it to keep the addresses secret. And so the Comescus lost track of Baby-Nell due to the move and name-change of the Matthews-family. But the Comescus were patient. Sheldon had always been waiting for Nell to show up and ask for her mother, and when she did, Sheldon knew it was her although Nell now had a different family name what explained their difficulties to find her earlier. Lara Sheldon betrayed Nell and they were after her. The Comescus didn't even know that Nell's companion had been Callen himself.

"Mr. Callen, there should be no reason to doubt about your fatherhood, although DNA-tests have never been made. I'm not against non work-related relationships in general. But under this given circumstances you'll understand there is obviously no way…" she paused, looking straight at Callen then Nell, hoping to find out how deep the two of them were already related. She did not really plan on it but she intently hoped to receive the absolution but both of them had no notion of explaining or clarifying anything to her. It bothered Hetty that she couldn't read in their faces if there had happened anything between them and she felt guilty to the core.

"I must admit to having made a mistake. Maybe the biggest mistake of my life in not telling you the way you belong together. It's hard for me to admit of having stolen you masses of common time as a family, especially you, Mr. Callen…" her voice quivered and she turned to speak at Nell who was still in shock. "I've got something from your mother for you" Hetty said and handed Nell an old letter. Nell was looking at it in silence and reached out her shaking hand to take the letter carefully as if it could break to pieces when she touched it and respectfully brushed over the envelope with her other hand.

"I wanted to tell you both how you are related ever since Miss Jones had started work here." Hetty continued. "But I never figured out the right moment. There are no words that can explain how guilty I feel, of having let you down, of having withheld this essential information from you."

Now, that was enough for Callen. The whole time he had tried to control his temper but now he couldn't stay quiet anymore. "Nell, would you please give me some time with Hetty?" It was less a question than an order and Nell understood why he needed to speak with Hetty alone. She nodded and when she stood next to him, she leaned down and whispered in his ear "Don't you do anything you will regret afterwards." Then she paused and before she stepped out of the room she took a deep breath "Please… '_Dad'_."

He didn't expect something like this right now and it sounded weird to him. Hearing the word _'Dad' _coming out of Nell's mouth took the wind out of his sails and he was completely taken aback for some time. But when he looked back into Hetty's pale face the former anger returned immediately.

"How long?... How long had you planned to keep this information from me? And Nell?" he asked.

"I know I made a big mistake…"

Callen interrupted Hetty. "You know, I have always seen you as someone who comes close to being my mother. But do parents do this to their kids? Hurt them? Betray them? Lie to them? How will I ever be able to trust you again? When one says _'trust is a good thing, control is a better one'_, exactly now, it's so true! I should never have trusted you..." He spoke quicker and louder now.

"Mr. Callen" Hetty tried to calm him down, lifting her hands in front of her chest in surrender. "I hope we both will be able to come to terms with the past one day. All I can do is to ask you for forgiveness…"

"It's not the first time, Hetty." He interrupted her again. "You withheld information about my mother and sister, too, not so long ago, you remember? And then you let it drop that the woman I've been looking for so long died after giving birth to _my_ child. _My_ daughter. _Nell_..." his voice broke and he stood up of his chair "I need to get out of here. I can't stand it any longer!"

Callen stepped to the door but when he reached it he paused in his movements and turned back to face Hetty. Provocatively he folded his arms in front of his chest and leaned against the door frame. He clenched his teeth, before he began to speak in a steady voice "You know, Hetty, I developed feelings for her. Certain feelings that sometimes _occur_ between a man and a woman. And now it turns out that this woman is my daughter. How can you deal with it, if there happened anything between us? You mindfully assented and accepted this. Isn't that dangerous? No, it's not just this… it's forbidden and morally reprehensible. You always knew the truth and let us straight walk into the trap. Can you reconcile this with your conscience? Can you handle the aftermath?" Not awaiting her reply he turned on his heels and left the room, slamming the door shut and headed straight to the gym.

Hetty jumped when he slammed the door shut. Her hands were shivering and she was feeling sick. Her heart was racing when she reflected Callen's last words. He had completely let her be in the dark. And he was dead right. What if…? It was all her fault. Maybe she had ruined both their lives, Callen's and Nell's, with her secretiveness. What if…? And with these thoughts she wiped a tear away.

* * *

A/N I will update by the end of August, as we're going on vacation in a few days... Thank you for reading so far! Feel free to leave a review, I'd appreciate it :-)


	11. Chapter 11

First, I'd like to say thankyou to ilse23 and CALLEN37 for their help and encouragement: you're great! Thanks a lot to ncisnewbie for letting me know his way of looking at Callen's reaction/behavior.

And of course, thanks to all my readers for your patience and your reviews or personal messages. That means a lot to me.

.*.*.*.*.

* * *

Nell had tried to stay rather calm, when she called on Callen not to lose his control. Having the door shut behind her, she couldn't pull herself together anymore. Tears were running down her cheeks and she ran through the floors aimlessly, sobbing and trembling all at once, holding her mother's letter flat against her breast and covering her mouth with the other hand. Fortunately nobody was there and could see her like this right now.

'_Oh my god, oh my god, this can't be true!'_ What had just happened in the file room? She had never thought that something like that could ever emerge! Had she just known about that earlier, she would have seen Callen in a completely different way. There would never have been other thoughts about him than one would have about a father. My god! Why had Hetty never said a word? Didn't she consider the current situation possible? What the hell had she been thinking all these years? My god! Would she ever be able to deal with that? Well, she didn't do this on purpose, but still… she felt so violated… and Hetty had - in some way - done that to her. How did Callen feel with this now? It must be just as bad for him!

This must be a bad dream. _'Please, let me wake up out of this nightmare!' _she thought_._ Could this be true? Could he in fact be her real father? It was weird to her, to think about him as her _dad_. It was so hard for her to put it in words how she felt. The minute before, she had been thinking about sharing a life with this man. She was drawn to him and had developed true feelings for him as a partner. And now it just was as if she had lost someone, someone who had been snatched from her and her heart felt a pain as if it had been ripped into pieces. She needed to think straight. Callen could be her dad? The man she felt so much for? This was so hard to not allow thoughts like this again. Of course, she was allowed to love him, but not _that_ way… Nevermore _that_ way. He was her dad! He of all people! Something she had at least expected; something that was way beyond her imagination.

Nell had not realized where she had wandered off to. But when she looked around she found herself sitting on Callen's chair at his desk, still holding her mother's letter in her hands. It felt strange, sitting there but anyway she thought this was the right place to open the letter: learning about her mother's thoughts on her father's swivel chair. Shivering a little she carefully unfolded the paper and what she saw first was very neat handwriting. She smiled slightly as it reminded her about her own and suddenly a warm feeling came over her when she felt it deep inside that this was not completely a nightmare. This letter was all too real and she was dead certain she was holding one of her mother's presumably few properties in her hands and she was sure, she would treasure and cherish it as long as she lived. Pretty nervous and anxious she started to read.

"_Hey sweetie,_

_I'm writing this to you as I have no idea how this all is going to end. I made a decision that has changed and still will change my whole life forever. I can tell you it was a big shock and surprise when I found out that I'm pregnant. I'm only 17 now, you know. As if this isn't easy alone it's even worse that I grew up in an orphanage and several foster homes. Surprise, surprise, my social worker was not amused. But for me now, well, I could cope with the situation. And I will manage alone as I have to be strong not only for myself but for you my darling._

_My name is Jacqueline Matthews, but everybody calls me Jackie. I grew up __within__ Nevada's CPS. My parents died by a car-accident when I was only 3 and none of my relatives were able or willing to take care of me. My good memories of being a foster child are rare. Growing up like that made me have to take care of myself very early in my life. The only person I trust is myself - and your dad who I wish was here. _

_Don't blame me for running away, I was told they were going to take you away from me. I have lost so much in my life and I can't bear to lose you too._

_I lived in a very nice home the last couple of months. The foster parents even adopted me and I can tell I felt pretty happy with the family. They were so nice to me and I've got two siblings there, Bill and Ted. Toddler twin boys, they are so cute! My new parents, Lorena and Michael Matthews, gave me advice and support during the whole pregnancy and they promised me they would take care of you, too, sweetie. They had planned to arrange everything needed for you to stay with me._

_But a few days ago it all changed. My social worker told me I was not allowed to raise you and they would take you into foster care. I couldn't understand the reasons and I couldn't follow her explanations as my thoughts only went in one direction: to flee. And that's what I actually did. For the very first time in my life it felt hard for me to leave as I really do love the family I lived with. Now I'm here, hiding at this place and waiting for you to arrive. It's early May and you are nearly due and I can feel you as you move within me. I smile as I am writing this as your foot just stuck out on my stomach and I could count all five toes._

_I'm rather happy now, it's peaceful here. But I'm also afraid of giving birth to you, because I've got nobody to help me - and afterwards there isn't anybody either. We are all alone, but we will make it. I really hope so. I want you to know I'll always love you, whatever is going to happen to you, to me, to us. I'll never give you to anybody else without resistance._

_I know things would be so much better if I could find your dad. He is such a lovely young man, broken as I am since being a foster child as well, but he's brave, he cares, he's clever and strong… and really good-looking... (Yeah, what shall I say… I'm a girl…) That's what I first noticed when I bumped into him after running away from a bad foster home, as he had escaped from another one. There were some guys that tried to beat me up, for whatever reason and he did not hesitate to help me. This is how it all started and we spent a lot of time together._

_We learned to trust each other and we both got through a lot of trouble but we had lots of fun too. It was like we had known each other for years and it seemed we were made for each other. He is the best that ever happened to me and I'm very happy that you are HIS child. I always felt safe when I was with him. But life is a battlefield sometimes and one day, at the end of August, we had been caught and separated. I don't know where they had brought him then. I had not been able to find him. It broke my heart and I am still desperate and I'm feeling miserable and alone when I think back to last summer. I do miss him so badly. Back then, I didn't know that I was already expecting, so I'm dead certain he doesn't even know about you so far._

_I am very excited to see how you will look like. I'm looking forward to holding you in my arms so much. Will you have his bright blue eyes, my __maroon__ hair, __his sarcasm, my sense of humor?__ I want to make sure that you know whatever is going to happen, that you are very welcome and important for me. I know things would turn out so much better if I could find your dad. We could be a family… The worst for me that could happen is that you would be taken away from me and I'm not sure if I could deal with another pain of separation again. That's why I will never let you go and why I will never stop looking for him._

_My little one, I want you to know I love you forever with all my heart and I don't want to stop fighting for us._

_Love forever__, Mom"_

With tears in her eyes Nell carefully folded the letter and put it back into the envelope. That was so heartbreaking. It was a tragedy that had happened to Callen and Jackie when they got separated, it was a tragedy her mother died shortly after giving birth to her. It was a crying shame that Hetty had always known everything about her parents and had never given Callen the chance to have a family on his own when he would have needed it so desperately. She could understand his fears to get hurt. Exactly this had just happened! He had been hurt again.

She had to go find him. They had to work this all out! There was no chance to leave it all like that!

There obviously had been a strong bond between Callen and Jackie and the longer they, she and Callen, had spent time together while on their trip, he must have felt a connection between them like she had felt at least. Very early there had been chemistry between them, not really knowing why and where it came from what let them get …uhm… close. Most likely he had actually been visualizing that he was kissing Jackie not her then… On second thought, she was convinced that it must have been like that. _'Breathe, Nell' _she tried to soothe herself.

It was about time to go look for him. But she had no idea what to say…

.*.*.*.*.

After Nell had calmed down, she looked up and saw Hetty sitting at her desk. Her eyes were showing concern and the always so tough and confident lady was looking like a picture of misery. When Nell stepped towards her Operations Manager, Hetty slowly turned her head, trying hard to look Nell straight into the eyes. "Miss Jones, I have no words to tell you how uncomfortable I'm feeling at this very moment. There's no doubt you and Mr. Callen are feeling disappointed by me and betrayed and I can't blame you. I hope you'll get through to him. Maybe you are the only one ever, as I'm certain I'm doubtlessly the very last person he wants to see right now."

Nell could tell she was very annoyed by Hetty, but not that bad as Callen most probably was. Taking a deep breath she tried to reply while being considerate "Hetty… that remains to be seen. You have betrayed Callen once and he forgave you. But I'm not sure yet if he could forgive and forget a second time. As for me, time will tell, too. I know you must have had serious reasons for your actions and I'm thankful you kept me safe with my adoptive family. My parents, or should I say _grand-parents_, as they had adopted my mother, are great, I truly love them and I've got the best brothers, uhm… _uncles_, I can imagine…" rolling her eyes, she paused shortly when she gave her previous thoughts a closer look. "Oh, this is weird…" she sighed. "But I can't show you any understanding for keeping it all a secret longer than it would have been required. And I can't understand my 'parents', too, according to this fact. You know, telling the truth earlier may have hurt for a little while, but after what we know now, withholding or lying may hurt forever…"

"Miss Jones, I'm awfully sorry. I hope one day you will be able to accept my apology and forgive me for holding back essential information from you and…"

"Hetty" Nell cut in a little louder, "it's too early for all of this but it's not that I can't accept your apology. I think I honestly can one day as you only had the best intentions back then. But you omitted to tell me I worked together with my father for years and you had not the guts to let us in on this fact when you knew we were on a trip to find my _biological_ parents! You missed the last suitable moment to tell us the plain truth! And this is something I possibly will never be able to forgive you! Hell, that way, you may have ruined everything!" Nell, completely rattled, was trying to hold back her tears again. She turned on her heels and walked away.

.*.*.*.*.

Jackie's death hit him full force. For him, it wasn't like she had passed away a long time ago. It actually felt like she had only just died. To let out his frustration he was treating the punching bag as if he had to fight for his life. He couldn't feel the physical pain when his bare knuckles punched against the hard material. All he felt in this moment was anger and increasing rage against Hetty and the hurt about the loss of his early love… and what he had done to Nell.

He couldn't estimate how long he'd been trying to vent his aggressions, but when he looked down on himself he was all worn out, his fingers bloody. Why had he not seen it coming? In fact, except while on their trip to Nevada, he had never been together with Nell in private, so he most likely could not have figured it out earlier, but why had he not recognized the similarities between her and Jackie during their trip? Her behavior, her values, her humor, her movements, her keen mind, her determination… it all was rather alike her mother's.

He had not calculated on anything like that, had never expected to have a child anywhere. But he and Jackie were close and thinking back, of course, it could have happened… It _had_ happened…, with almost absolute certainty. He had locked out his feelings for her over the years, not allowing himself to think back on those times he probably felt the happiest in his life. He had loved her and it had hurt so badly, when 'the system' had separated them and put them back into foster care. This painful experience was another reason not to let anyone ever get so close again, another reason why he had buried his memories deep, deep inside of his mind. The wall around his soul had been built that strong that he had not thought one second, there could be a relationship between her and Nell… and as a consequence between him and Nell. He could slap himself, not to have thought one bit about the fact he could have been the father. But he understood now, why he, all of a sudden, had felt attracted to Nell. And he didn't even wonder why Nell hearted Lake Tahoe so much too; the region, he and Jackie had lived in a cabin there for several weeks, years ago.

Nell… He thought he maybe had found someone to share his life with and had opened up a little, very unlike him. And he had had _impure thoughts_ towards her and not only that… How would he get along if they had taken it any further? Better not think about it. It did not bear contemplating! It was bad enough how the situation had turned out to be right now! God help him, could his damn, messy life even get more complicated? His vast desire, to have a family, had come true somehow. All these years did he have a daughter, family by blood he thought he'd never have, directly in front of him without knowing it… so close and yet so far away.

Right now he was dead certain it was out of question to forgive Hetty. It was her responsibility to let him know the truth. All these years she had kept it from him. Sure, he wasn't naïve! Who was he to believe 'the system' would have given a baby to a 16-year-old foster kid even though it was his? Back then, Hetty's decision to accommodate Nell with her friend had been right. But damn! It had been Hetty's job, to tell him everything when he was all grown-up and would have been able to take care of his child! At least she should have said a word when Nell started working at NCIS. It should have been her moral duty then!

He couldn't think of staying at the NCIS any longer. Working together with Hetty seemed impossible to him. He had lost his faith in her. He felt so goddamn betrayed by her. She had approved eventually the danger of him and Nell getting closer than they should, closer than it was appropriate. He… he had gone too far. Maybe he could stay in contact with Nell, but… He would not do her any good. There was a trigger inside him, an impulse to leave… again.

With his few personal things in his bag, he stepped out of the locker room once he had showered. He could see Nell running to meet him but he wasn't able to talk to her. He vehemently shook his head what let Nell slow down her steps and finally stop and his blue eyes intensely looked at her one last time to save her features until he headed straight towards the exit door of the old building.


End file.
